April 2nd, 2007

April retcons

Elly: Do you really have to emphasize that your youngest daughter was born on April FOOL'S Day? What am I saying -- you hate her. Of COURSE you think she's a joke. But this is, as far as I can recall, an accurate retelling of The Creature's birth. No retconning, thank heavens. Although the pizza guy merely stayed because the house was the last stop. Nice shot of John seeing the van with "WE DELIVER" on the side. And I'm not positive Liz was in the room for the delivery.

And I love how Elly takes it for granted that April will move out the day she turns 18. And Robin and Merrie's absence from April's party is for THEIR safety and enjoyment. Cripes. April must be learning that the way to get what she wants is to present it as best for the PitterPattersons. And it sounds like she was out on a school night!

And she mentions Jim, and announces a visit. Well, better than nothing.

John: Since when does he go for long walks? That's valuable train time, that is. And YES, I would imagine the tension is getting high. This is ridiculous! He talks about immigrants, as if his family's circumstances rise to anywhere near that level of need! April was corrected on "refugee"; why isn't John? I guess he's doing it the right way, though: he's not comparing his family to recent immigrants, but observing how much better off he is than they are. Personally, I think John is another one who's en retard.

And he's not even hiding his lust for the train house. "We" can buy the place? Who's we, hum? And did John do dental work on the entire population of Milborough? And I detect a bit of schadenfreude when John makes it sound as if Mike being speechless was the highlight of the evening. Or is he praising him for Patterson humility?

And he takes it for granted that "hothead" April will dent the car and exhibit road rage. WHY does he have such a low opinion of her? And yes, I'm sure it's difficult for Liz to be in "this crazy house" since her relationship with Paul "ended". Especially since her being in that crazy house is the REASON it ended. And Merrie and Robin are settled in, and aw, they're just like Mike and Liz at those ages. Gee, it's almost like their home, hum?

Liz: Why are the siblings in Liz - April - Mike order, anyway?

I'm not sure you're obligated to "get to know" your students, Miss Patterson. In fact, I'm pretty sure the next time you go into a kid's room and sit on his bed will be the last. And what the frak -- does she have all the problem children? Or, did they only become disruptive after a few months with her? And what abusive teenagers?

And more and more excuses for why apartment-hunting is so haaaaard. Charging for tissues? WTF? You buy your own freaking tissues! What is this, the 1930s and boarding houses? I am glad, though, that she does not want a surrogate parent. I've had quite enough of those. And I love the coy note that "overnight guests" are purely hypothetical.

April: Cripes. Mr. 25K Advance can't get you the tabla drums on his own. And "syn this size"? April, step away from the pun. I totally hear you about wanting to get out. If I were you, I'd just start moving my stuff out piece by piece.

And why are Mike an' Dee always going out?! They'll never be able to afford a house that way. Unless Apes is looking after the PitterPattersons during the day, while they're house-hunting. And yeah, babysitting is exhausting. But...have you got any other True Tales of Babysitting to relate?

These are all very short letters, with very little info.

Mike: Now, this'll probably be a long one.

Go directly to hell. You don't need to be a bird to get out of your frakking parents' house. I didn't think you could get any more infuriating, but now you have. The problem is that you're the wrong species?

That second paragraph is a confused jumble. Deanna and your father are talking about houses. You're working on your second book. You wish you could be a good provider like Deanna. WTF?

Your friend, Jo. Yeah, that's it: "friend". And who are all these people who "knew you could do it"? First off, I thought you didn't like telling people you were writing a book. Second of all, could be they're just making polite noises. You were the only one with doubts, but that probably has more to do with you being one of the very few who cared either way.

And you got your check. And gee, you even have enough for the Pattermanse! And your community is awesome. We get it already. And it's nice to know that he "admires" Liz, since I don't recall them exchanging two words since the fire. I love how he's been programmed to spout propaganda about Warren, though. I'm also glad that he has good things to say about April, but if he thinks they're connected, he's out of his mind. Communicating with a look or a gesture...right.

And since when does he know how to make a roast? It's official: all the characters are based off a female template.

DeDoormat: All I can figure is that she's self-medicating to a glorious degree. Still, I suggest you tell Merrie to keep her paws of Auntie April's drums. Can she have nothing?

The Olds: Iris was prescribed medication for depression. I'm going to cry. And she also has good things to say about April.

The Pets: Well, Liz is writing the letter. Good sign: she's taking initiative. And wow, the animals hide out in April's room. I don't know how she can move around in there.

Tuesday, April 3

Panel 1: So now we get Elly's take on "April at 16". (I'm not writing that again. Reminds me too much of that creepy, bad-70s-hair-having James at 15/16.) I hope she's not going to have another outburst. I can understand her reaction to the pole-dancer dress (September 2004), but I think we're way past the point of girls with "too much" makeup or "too big" hair being "hussies."

Panel 2: The sad thing is, I perfectly understand why they're doing this. They simply have to forestall the barrage of "Who is that? Is that April? How old is she? Is she the youngest?" which is guaranteed without this.

Panel 3: For god's sake, Elly: get dressed before you step outside. And now we bring up the subject of driving. Can't wait for THIS pun. Probably "and she'll be driving us crazy."

Panel 4: I swear, I did not peek.