(Original Publication Date, 17 August 1991)
Panel 1: We find Mike glaring sullenly at the phone and telling himself "I am not going to phone Martha. She didn't write to me the whole time I was away. I am NOT going to phone Martha."
Panel 2: Since he's reading between the lines Random Asshole Hayseed Who Needed To Shut The Fuck Up About A Girl He'll Never Meet told him to, the big girl's blouse whimpers "I'm not going to phone Martha. What's the point? She'd probably laugh at me for feeling like this! So....I am not going to call Martha."
Panel 3: As he dials the phone, the malicious little oik reverts to being the asshole kid lurking behind trophy cases avenging bullshit slights when he thinks "Let her find out for herself that I'm home. I don't care. I am not going to phone Martha. I am going to phone Gordon."
Panel 4: "Maybe he'll call Martha!!"
Summary: This leads to the very stupid excuse that helps save the day and inflate the ego of this repulsive nitwit. Joy.