(Original Publication Date, 15 August 1991)
Panel 1: We find ourselves at Pearson International watching Mike be a morose dullard whining about something that makes him look like a boring, ordinary person. That's because he's whining "Oh boy. Here we go! I bet they'll all be standing in line waiting for me."
Self-pitying horseshit like this is why I have to stop myself from yelling "Of course your family will be there, you fucktard! What, do you think your shit don't stink or something?"
Panel 2: The King Of Big Fucking Deal Mountain views it as a horrifying indignity that John will try to make the baby wave and Liz will act like a bozo. What a horror. Why can't they act like normal people and turn into a murderous fucking lunatic with a heart full of mayhem when asked to think about other people's feelings.
Panel 3: The final atrocity our poor, sad cement-headed doorknob has to endure is the pious fraud of a mother who packed him off to nowhere to stave off the horror of his being friendly with a girl she didn't pick out for him is going to embarrass him in front of people he'll never meet again by hugging him and kissing him in public.
Panel 4: When they do act like the normal people they are instead of the morons who let him come home on his own like he wants, he says that it's good to have family you can count on.
Summary: Since Mike lacks self-awareness, he doesn't realize that you can set your watch to his acting like a total God-damned bonehead. Let's watch him do that to Martha.