(Original Publication Date, 14 November 1990)
So much time had passed since I sent you my love letter, I felt the need to console myself with Honey Zaps. Even though we see each other every day at school and every night for our nightly date, no communication was more important to me than that letter. I just knew that you had read it and you were keeping that a secret from me for some reason, because you never mentioned it in all the times we were together. I thought to myself, “She has it now. There’s no way Martha has not read that letter. I put my soul on paper…my heart is in her hands.”
Then as if the magic of Honey Zaps spread into the air, my sister Elizabeth handed me a blue envelope on it. She said, “The mail came, Mike – there’s something for you.” Yes, I know. I had been waiting for a response from you for days and somehow my sister is the one checking for the mail. What can I say but that I really like Honey Zaps. In spite of the manner of delivery, I thought, “It’s from HER! – I know it!!!” After all the letter came in the same kind of blue envelope I had used in my letter to you. Somehow you sensed the need to respond to my love letter with a letter in an envelope that looked exactly like that envelope. You hadn’t told me you got my letter because you were going to surprise me with the perfect response to my letter.
I held it in my hands, enraptured by the thought of having a girlfriend so kind and so considerate as to send me a love letter back that looked just like my love letter. I thought to myself, “This is an awesome event in my life . – I sent a love letter on the spur of the moment without thinking … and I’m about to experience the result of my actions!” As I thought it, my eyes bulged and felt like they were about to pop out of my head.
Then I realized it was actually my same love letter with “Returned due to insufficient postage” written on it. I guess I really don’t know anything about the Canada Post. Those numbers on the stamps must mean something after all. Also, I have noticed that when I am disappointed about something my bangs grow down across my face and almost cover my nose.
Thanks for reading,