howtheduck (howtheduck) wrote in binky_betsy,
howtheduck
howtheduck
binky_betsy

Saturday, 9 November 2019

Letters from Michael Part Six
(Original Publication Date, 10 November 1990)

Dear Martha,

My master plan was that after mom left for work, I would go down to the mail collection box way before 11:00 am and wait for the mailman.  When the time came I could hear myself arguing, “Just a few more minutes of sleep.   You will wake up way before 11:00 am.”  It turns out I was right.  I woke up at 10:58 am.   I ran down to the mail collection box and said to the mailman, “Excuse me!  Wait! (Puff, gasp) I put a very personal letter in there, and I hafta have it back!!”  I know what you are thinking.  I should be trying to present myself with authority and I should not be saying, “hafta’, but “have to.”  It turns out it didn’t matter with this mailman.

I don’t know if you are aware of the history of mailmen in our town of Milborough, but my mother often tells me that if you see one with buck teeth, then most likely they are not a client of dad’s, but they are almost entirely recruited from dairy farm workers and don’t make enough money for proper dental work or for that matter, conversations that do not involve cows.  This mailman was one of those.

He said, “Sorry, son.” I responded brilliantly with “But!...”  Then he told a cow story.  “Once it’s gone into the system, it has to be processed and go through all the proper channels.  Yes, sir.  Puttin’ a letter into Canada Post is like knowing a cow just swallowed yer car key.   They only way to retrieve it…is from the other end.”

I was sad.  Sad because I didn’t get my love etter to you.  Sad because I had to endure a terrible cow story about the Canada Post.  But most of all sad because my mother turned out to be right about mailmen.  He certainly was not like the mailman I remember growing up.


Thanks for reading,
Michael
Subscribe

  • Saturday, 23 October 2021

    The one where Lynn reminds us that she really doesn't understand teenage boys at all. Synopsis: Mike, Brian, Lawrence and Nodrog (might as well…

  • It Better End Soon: Safety Forced

    It seems that the White Person Problem that was just too much for Sarah this was was a minor incident at a shopping mall that was probably a minor…

  • Friday, 22 October 2021

    The one where No Name Given phones John to see how pissed he is at Mike for breaking the curfew he doesn't actually really have. Synopsis: When…

  • Post a new comment

    Error

    default userpic

    Your IP address will be recorded 

    When you submit the form an invisible reCAPTCHA check will be performed.
    You must follow the Privacy Policy and Google Terms of use.
  • 24 comments

  • Saturday, 23 October 2021

    The one where Lynn reminds us that she really doesn't understand teenage boys at all. Synopsis: Mike, Brian, Lawrence and Nodrog (might as well…

  • It Better End Soon: Safety Forced

    It seems that the White Person Problem that was just too much for Sarah this was was a minor incident at a shopping mall that was probably a minor…

  • Friday, 22 October 2021

    The one where No Name Given phones John to see how pissed he is at Mike for breaking the curfew he doesn't actually really have. Synopsis: When…