howtheduck (howtheduck) wrote in binky_betsy,
howtheduck
howtheduck
binky_betsy

Friday, 8 November 2019

Letters from Michael Part Five
(Original Publication Date, 9 November 1990)

Dear Martha,

Because I mailed your letter after 4:00 pm, and because mail pickup is 11:00 am and 4:00 pm daily.  I thought, “OK, yeah!  I’ll be here when they open the box tomorrow and get my letter back!”  That seemed like a great plan.  What could go wrong with that?  The mailman would realize my situation and of course he would let me pick through all the letters in the mail collection box until I found mine.  I doubt it would take me much longer than an hour or two to find it.  Plus, he would be helping out a Patterson, so he might get some free dental work out of the deal. Dad loves giving free dental to people who help me out of a jam.

Then I thought, ‘How am I gonna get here on time?  - My bus leaves at 8:30, I don’t get home ‘til 4:15.  Even in my thoughts, I could not pronounce “going to”.  However, I was smart enough to realize that school was going to get in the way of my master plan.  School was going to be a problem. 

Then I thought, “How can I get outta school without lying to one of my teachers?!!” Even in my thoughts, I could not pronounce “out of”.  You know me, Martha.  When it comes to talking to teachers, I have to be completely and utterly truthful.  “Honest Mike” that’s what the teachers call me.  “The most trustworthy boy in school.”  I just can’t lie to a teacher.  Can't get a lie
out of me.  I would ruin my reputation in school. 

Then I came up with my master plan.  The flu.  Mom knows nothing about the flu.  She thinks you can take a person’s temperature by pushing their head into a pillow while holding onto a thermometer.  Mom did that to me and she said, “Are you sure it’s the flu, honey?  You don’t have a fever.”  Then I said, “Remember what dad said the last time you tried to measure my temperature this way?”  It’s hard for mom to admit she doesn’t know anything about taking a person’s temperature and even less about the flu.   After all, the last time she thought she had the flu it ended up being a lot worse than that.   Anyway, I got to stay at home.  My master plan for getting into the mailbox was finally coming to pass.



Thanks for reading,
Michael
Subscribe

  • Saturday, 31 July 2021

    The one where two boomer numbskulls piss and moan because their parents insist on growing old and dying. Panel 1: Now that they're heading back…

  • It Better End Soon: Thoughts Of I Have No HOOOOOOOOOME!!!!!!!

    Today's pandering session has Sarah complain that someone changed the locks on her childhood. Thoughts of Home: By Sarah L. Hunter. The house…

  • Friday, 30 July 2021

    The one where two boomer numbskulls piss and moan because people 'hate their childhood' or some such drivel. Panel 1: As they drive around, Phil…

  • Post a new comment

    Error

    default userpic

    Your IP address will be recorded 

    When you submit the form an invisible reCAPTCHA check will be performed.
    You must follow the Privacy Policy and Google Terms of use.
  • 16 comments

  • Saturday, 31 July 2021

    The one where two boomer numbskulls piss and moan because their parents insist on growing old and dying. Panel 1: Now that they're heading back…

  • It Better End Soon: Thoughts Of I Have No HOOOOOOOOOME!!!!!!!

    Today's pandering session has Sarah complain that someone changed the locks on her childhood. Thoughts of Home: By Sarah L. Hunter. The house…

  • Friday, 30 July 2021

    The one where two boomer numbskulls piss and moan because people 'hate their childhood' or some such drivel. Panel 1: As they drive around, Phil…