(Original Publication Date, 6 November 1990)
I’m sitting here trying to do my homework, but I keep thinking about you. Your face, your eyes, your smile, even the sound of your voice is recorded on the video in my mind. Dad would ask me if the video was Beta, because he still thinks Betamax has the best quality. For my mind, the recording of you is VHS SP, 2 hours of the highest quality that VHS can offer.
I can see you so clearly. I wish we could touch. I mean of course we touch when we go out every night, but that’s different. That’s just kissing and stuff. I mean like when you see a recording and you want to touch what’s on the recording. I wish I could touch the you that’s on the recording of you in my mind.
We’re together at school all the time, we joke around….Why doesn’t anyone ever believe I spend time with you in school? I don’t know why they say, “I never see you and Martha together at school” or “I never see you taking a class” or “I never see you eating lunch in a school cafeteria” or “Do you even go to school you little creep? Stop asking if I have seen you at school!” Some people just don’t believe in anything they can’t see.
Anyway, even though we spend all this time at school together and we joke around all the time and….another thing. Why do people tell me that I never joke around and how they have never heard me say anything funny? You are my witness. We tell jokes all the time, really funny jokes, BUT I never tell you how much you really mean to me.
Martha, I l…
Yes, Martha, it is the “L” word. That word is so hard to say, I can’t even write it down! In fact, I can’t even think the “L” word. I look off into the sky plaintively as if to say, “Why God? Why can’t I say the ‘L’ word? Why did you take this from me in my time of need? I need to be able to say it or think it or at least write it down.” Then God says, “Stop acting like you are in some kind of idiotic, sitcom romantic comedy and start acting like a regular human being who can pronounce words.” Those are tough words from God, but so right. I know what you are thinking and it’s true, Pattersons can talk directly to God.
Thanks for reading,