(Original Publication Date, 5 November 1990)
Sometimes it takes me awhile to remember what your nickname is. Mom says everyone has nicknames. I go by Mike when my full name is Michael. Mom goes by El when her full name is Elly. My sister Elizabeth goes by Lizzie when her full name is Elizabeth. My dog goes by Farl when his full name is Farley. My dad John doesn’t have a nickname for some reason.
That’s pretty weird, but my mom gets a lot of strange ideas. She looks at the plate I was using for dinner and just because there is food left, she thinks that her food is something I can eat all of and be done. I have done enough vomiting after dinnertime to know that you never eat all of my mom’s food. That’s doing what you have to do to survive. That’s one of the reasons I eat so much when we go out every night (and are back by 10:30 pm).
My mom looks in a closet and thinks “tidying a hall closet” is a chore to be done instead of something you only do before grandparents visit. She also looks in a closet and thinks the newspapers need to be stacked and tied. I don’t know why she thinks the newspapers need to be stacked and tied if they are in a closet. One time she told me that things that are in the closet need to be stacked and tied, but I wasn’t really sure she was talking about newspapers.
The strangest thing of all is if she sees me sitting on a couch chewing on a pencil eraser, I must be doing my homework, instead of having a little snack. Mom has seen me doing homework before. I usually look a lot like this:
If I am not screaming or shrieking or cursing, then I am not doing my homework. Actually, I am not ever doing my homework even if I am quiet. Why mom would think I was doing homework when I was sitting on a couch calmly eating an eraser? That is not right. There must be screaming and if anyone knows about screaming, it would be my mom
Thanks for reading,