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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in The FOOBiverse!'s LiveJournal:

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Thursday, March 2nd, 2017
1:53 am
Friday, 3 March 2017
Elly does for Gayle what she would never do for herself when she's feeling low when she gives her a make-over and tells her to keep her chin up.

(Strip Number 4937, Original Publication Date, 3 March 1988)

Panel 1: Elly takes Gayle aside and says that the best way to pull her out of her blues is to make her over.

Panel 2: Elly's prescription for curing Gayle's blues is a new hair style and a vibrantly coloured article of clothing to wear to make her look and feel better.

Panel 3: When Elly shows her the end result of the French Braid Of Success, an impressed Gayle asks what, if anything, she needs to put on her face.

Panel 4: Elly's advice is to put a smile on her face.

Summary: The interesting thing about this is that not only does Elly love to dish out this advice, she doesn't usually want to take it that I've noticed.
Wednesday, March 1st, 2017
1:53 am
Thursday, 2 March 2017
Elly bonds with Gayle because she has no idea of what her purpose in life is supposed to be either.

(Strip Number 4936, Original Publication Date, 2 March 1988)

Panel 1: When Elly asks Gayle if she actually wants to be like Molly, Gayle doesn't know what she wants to be.

Panel 2: This is because sometimes, she looks in the mirror, sees her face and has no idea who or what she is.

Panel 3: Elly remembers feeling like that when she was fourteen.

Panel 4: Gayle smiles when Elly says that she's finally starting to figure it out.

Summary: And she only has twenty years to go before she finds out who she actually is: someone who feels awkward when in the spotlight she used to crave.
Tuesday, February 28th, 2017
1:53 am
Wednesday, 1 March 2017
Gayle complains about how everyone pays attention to Molly because they can't deal with her being a sulky, confused kid and wonders if she's the cylinder who isn't firing.

(Strip Number 4935, Original Publication Date, 1 March 1988)

Panel 1: It would seem that Gayle sees being a sweet kid as a problem is that since she's just a nice kid, everyone notices her.

Panel 2: They do, on the other hand, pay close attention to Molly. She's constantly talked about and worried about.

Panel 3: This is because she had a six-month temper fit about moving, spiked her hair up, acts like a surly twerp and dates one of the walkers from Walking Dead.

Panel 4: Elly is concerned when Gayle concludes that she could be living her life all wrong.

Summary: She might have a new thing to be angry about: a sibling who wants to "betray" her. Since both of them are adolescents, they can believe some pretty wacky things.
Monday, February 27th, 2017
1:50 am
Tuesday, 28 Febuary 2017
We begin a week of indirect Ritual Molly Castigation when Good Sister Gayle Who Is GOOD wonders if she too should WANDER OFF INTO MOLLY'S DARKNESS!!!!!

(Strip Number 4934, Original Publication Date, 29 February 1988)

Panel 1: We begin things in progress as Gayle and Lizzie return from the local convience store and she announces that there's four dollars spare change.

Panel 2: When Elly thanks Gayle and says that she's a sweet kid, Gayle touches off the arc by saying that she knows this.

Panel 3: Since Gayle is a messed-up kid in her own right, she suddenly gets all glum and says that that could be her problem. Since Elly has forgotten what it was like to feel awkward and alone, this confuses her.

Summary: The sad part about this "Elly the mentor" thing is that Lynn only seems to have done it the one week before she got bored and decided to go back to repeating familiar old jokes.
Sunday, February 26th, 2017
1:47 am
Monday, 27 February 2017
We end the "Molly is the BAD sibling who embraces DARKNESS" arc with Connie sourpussing because she's required to buy batteries for her stepdaughter's radios and tape decks.

(Strip Number 4933, Original Publication Date, 27 February 1988)

Panel 1: As she puts the cups away, Connie tells Elly that living with teenagers is a whole new game.

Panel 2: As Molly and Gayle's silhouettes argue about the boom box the older one is carrying, Connie moans that failing at being a parent to the two of them is the hardest thing she's ever done.

Panel 3: As she gets all wistful about how maybe someday, they'll all get along and there'll be light at the end of the tunnel, Molly makes the palms-out gesture while Gayle counters with the palms to the chest thing.

Panel 4: As the two girls point to their electric noise makers, Connie rolls her eyes and hopes that it won't need batteries.

Summary: First off, Molly is as thick as a brick if she thinks she can power up her boom box by raiding Gayle's headset. Second, the light at the end of the tunnel is Connie staring at empty rooms wondering why Gayle moved back in with her birth mother.
Friday, February 24th, 2017
11:03 am
The Saint Patrick's Day Massacre of Good Taste.
The latest news entry concerns the newest items up for sale at the Zazzle shop. Given that the theme is Saint Patrick's Day and given that Protestant naff Lynn has as warped a vision of Ireland as she has of pretty much everywhere else, it's time for her to hawk stuff covered with shamrocks and hideously leering leprechauns.

Collapse )

1) If pressed, Lynn would claim that no Irish people complained about these ugly-ass and sinister caricatures.

2) She probably has the same distorted view of life in the States too.
Saturday, February 25th, 2017
1:45 am
Sunday, 26 February 2017
Having noticed Elly getting affectionate with Farley, John astonishes her by emulating him just a little so he can get some of Elly's cute side too.

(Strip Number 6666, Original Publication Date, 28 February 1988)

Panel 1: We find John and Elly sitting on the couch; as Farley approaches, Elly pats her lap to get him to get his belly rubbed and the like.

Panel 2: As John watches, Elly scratches Farley's ears.

Panel 3: She then asks how Mommy's Little Puppy is.

Panel 4: She smiles as asks her widdle woofles if he's liking having his ears scratched.

Panel 5: She then gets all mushy and silly and talking about how he wants his belly rubbed.

Panel 6: She then sends him on his way and tells him he's a good dog.

Panel 7: John watches as a smiling dog walks off to find someone else to cuddle up to.

Panel 8: When he flops down in her lap for his belly rub, Elly is gobsmacked.

Summary: Sorry, John. Affection is not for you. Affection leads to sex that is not for outnumbering and that's bad.
Friday, February 24th, 2017
1:52 am
Saturday, 25 February 2017
We end the week (but not the arc) with Connie misinterpreting a situation in such a manner that Molly is simply a flake that wants to annoy her because teenagers are monsters who don't really have feelings or problems.

(Strip Number 1258, Original Publication Date, 26 February 1988)

Panel 1: When Molly announces that she's going out, Connie gets all kinds of snippy when she asks where she's headed and when she'll be back.

Panel 2: When Molly says JEEZ and says that she'll be at the mall until ten o'clock, Connie's need to run around yelling "I'm in charge! I'm in charge!!" makes her shave half an hour off of that by reflex in order that she might remind Molly who's dictatorial pea brain around here.

Panel 3: Since this like is totally unfair 'cause she only gets to go out for two hours, Connie can like have it HER way and she'll just stay home.

Panel 4: Since Connie is deaf to context and also a self-satisfied moron, she mistakenly believes that Molly didn't want to go out in the first place.

Summary: The odd thing about this is that part of me wants to realize that this is a pretty easy mistake for Connie to have made. This is because the unspoken context of her Liography is that much like Annie, Elly is the first actual friend she's had so she wouldn't know how long it takes for a typical evening out with friends to take.
Thursday, February 23rd, 2017
1:46 am
Friday, 24 February 2017
We switch from panicking about how Molly is rebelling against Connie's infinite love and accepting patience by dating a movie monster who plays headache music to panicking about how Molly is embracing darkness and pain by using the verb "go" where maybe she should not.

(Strip Number 4932, Original Publication Date, 25 February 1988)

Panel 1: Molly really sort of dates today's strip by tethering herself to a landline and using what Lynn thinks is contemporary slang to discuss her last date. Instead of driving WE MOMS batty by texting, Molly is destroying civilization and turning her back on Connie's love out of wicked selfishness by saying "Then I go 'Well?' an then he goes (totally weird), I mean he goes "So, what am I supposed to say?", right?"

Panel 2: She continues on killing the language by saying "And then I go "You know" and then he goes (with this totally awesome look), he goes "RIIIIIIGHT" as a frustrated Connie and horrified Elly look on in disgust.

Panel 3: Since Elly always leavens her pea-brained negligence as a parent with numb-skulled panic, she asks Connie if all of Molly's conversations are like that.

Panel 4: Connie makes the asinine comment "That's how she goes!" in response.

Summary: This, I should think, is the genesis of Elly's campaign against colloquial English. My inner cynical jerk believes that neither she nor Lynn ever bothered realizing that people are smart enough to remember what register of English to use in a given context because it's easier to live in fear of their talking low class to make her look bad.
Wednesday, February 22nd, 2017
1:46 am
Thursday, 23 February 2017
Since Connie and Elly seem to labor under the misapprehension that being a disaffected teen stopped happening when they stopped being teenagers, Dirk's lack of willingness to open up to screaming nitwits like them confounds them.

(Strip Number 4931, Original Publication Date, 24 February 1988)

Panel 1: As Dirk walks home, Connie wants to have Elly join her in wallowing in terror and disappointment and so on when beholding the frightful spectre that is Molly's new love: a ridiculous idiot teenager who probably grew up to sell insurance and hope that we grow our own Cheeto Hitler.

Panel 2: Since both dingbats have totally forgotten that the way they dressed drove their folks straight up the wall like they hoped would happen, Connie makes a glib comment about how he's not an escaped mental patient but merely making a statement.

Panel 3: When Elly asks what that statement is, Connie professes ignorance.

Panel 4: Reason: he only grunts to adults.

Summary: It always bothers me that zombified nitwits like the Pattersons and Connie chirp witlessly about how the living, seething Hell of adolescence is the Best Time Of Your Life, SNOWFLAKE! despite their own youths being rather shitty. Dirk responds to self-satisfied ignorance and willful blindness with the contempt it deserves.
Tuesday, February 21st, 2017
1:43 am
Wednesday, 22 February 2017
Lawrence makes the rather obvious point that Dirk's chief selling point is that he drives that daydreaming nincompoop Connie even battier than she normally is.

(Strip Number 4930, Original Publication Date, 23 February 1988)

Panel 1: As she and Dirk part company in the foreground, Mike says that Molly's new fellow is weird-looking. Lawrence says that she's into weird.

Panel 2: When Mike talks about the boy in Thunder Bay she was pining away for, Lawrence tells him that he's history.

Panel 3: When he asks if their mom likes Dirk, Lawrence tells Mike "No way."

Panel 4: He then comes to the rather obvious conclusion that Connie's fear and hatred of Dirk is why Molly dates him.

Summary: While I remind myself that the cast of Special Victims Unit would also probably hate him, it's time for a different variety of inept parenting. We switch from Elly's malign neglect to Connie's presumptuous and reckless ignorance.
Monday, February 20th, 2017
1:41 am
Tuesday, 21 February 2017
Adult Rock Musician Dirk Dagger makes the scene when Lawrence is forced to make a stupid comment about the bullshit story Molly tells Connie about how he 'helps' with homework.

(Strip Number 4929, Original Publication Date, 22 February 1988)

Panel 1: We find Mike and Lawrence playing road hockey like the average Canadian kids they are.

Panel 2: Suddenly, Mike notices that Molly is walking by and she's accompanied by a man in his forties and asks Lawrence who he is.

Panel 3: Lawrence explains that this is the new guy Molly has been hanging out with. He then says that she says that he helps out with homework.

Panel 4: The funny thing about that is that they never seem to do anything at home.

Summary: Good old Lynn. She tries to make a high school senior look like a 'dangerous renegade' and she ends up making people think about statutory rape.
Sunday, February 19th, 2017
1:39 am
Monday, 20 February 2017
We end the arc with Lynn yowling idiotically about the minor physical discomfort involved with having to take an active interest in what your kids do.

(Strip Number 4928, Original Publication Date, 20 February 1988)

Panel 1: As practice wraps up, we find Elly reminding herself that she spends five hours of her life at the Eastgate Arena.

Panel 2: She knows every change room, every exit and every loose board in the bleachers.

Panel 3: She then sets up the weak punchline by saying that we hockey parents are a dedicated breed that can be identified at a glance.

Panel 4: As she and the rest blow their noses and compensate for sore rumps, she bids goodbye to a woman named Fran.

Summary: A normal person would wonder what the point is because being a parent means having to deal with crap like this. Lynn's kind of people join her in screaming about how cruel and entitled their kids are for exposing them to cold stands with hard seats and also hateful fungus people like Paul J of Saint John, New Brunswick who point out that warmer clothing and cushions exist.
Saturday, February 18th, 2017
1:35 am
Sunday, 19 February 2017
We remind ourselves of the real reason that Elly doesn't like being at any sort of sporting venue when John and the kids are forced to take turns compensating for her lack of any sort of aptitude at skating.

(Strip Number 7255, Original Publication Date, 21 February 1988)

Panel 1: We find the family driving up to the local skating rink for a pleasant day skating.

Panel 2: As they walk to the arena, Michael takes point.

Panel 3: The family laces up their skates.

Panel 4: Since Lizzie took off her jacket and mitts, Elly puts her mittens back on for her.

Panel 5: She then zips up her jacket.

Panel 6: The family takes to the ice.

Panel 7: A little while later, an out of breath Mike tells John that if he'd mind taking his turn holding 'her' up since he and the other person holding the first person up are tired.

Panel 8: An astonished John is astonished because instead of Mike and Elly holding up an unsteady Lizzie like he'd probably expected, Michael and Lizzie are holding up a terrified Elly.

Summary: We can expect babbling and shrieking about evil family members who enjoy something that she sucks at again and how if they loved her, they'd agree to give up something they like so she won't feel as if she's a hindrance.
Friday, February 17th, 2017
1:38 am
Saturday, 18 February 2017
We end the week on another Friday strip that has Elly criticize Lizzie for only wanting to eat because she's bored only to turn around and fill a dull hour watching Mike warm the bench with food.

(Strip Number 1257, Original Publication Date, 19 February 1988)

Panel 1: When Lizzie asks for a hot dog, Elly reminds her that she just ate.

Panel 2: She then tells Lizzie that she's just eating because she's bored and that's a bad habit to get into. Lizzie meekly says "Oh" in response.

Panel 3: She then asks Elly what she does when there's nothin'else to do.

Panel 4: She gets her answer because we find Elly in the canteen buying two hot dogs and asking the woman behind the counter to throw on the works.

Summary: Between eating out of boredom and gorging herself on leftovers, it's not much of a stretch to call Elly a cautionary example as regards bad eating habits.
Thursday, February 16th, 2017
1:36 am
Friday, 17 February 2017
Elly makes a big, noisy fool of herself so Lynn can make a big, stupid (and hypocritical) point about unsupportive parents like....oh, say....herself!!!

(Strip Number 4927, Original Publication Date, 18 February 1988)

Panel 1: Now that we're at the rink, we find Elly and Lizzie in the stands. Elly is loudly exhorting the boys to skate.

Panel 2: She then yells Go, TEAM, GO!!!! as loudly as possible.

Panel 3: One of Mike's teammates (probably Darryl Smythe) points out the loud woman and asks Mike if that's his mom up there being loud. Mike says that it is.

Panel 4: Mike tells Darryl that his mom says that she's makin'up for all the parents who don't come.

Summary: We can probably expect a bunch of hypocritical noise about her wanting to be there for her kids but something came up but HEY, kids are RESILIENT!!
Wednesday, February 15th, 2017
1:33 am
Thursday, 16 February 2017
We begin an arc about minor hockey when we're reminded that Mike is not very good at remembering where he leaves his equipment.

(Strip Number 6048, Original Publication Date, 17 February 1988)

Panel 1: We find ourselves watching Elly try to get Mike ready for hockey practice by asking him if he remembers where his gloves, skates and helmet are.

Panel 2: His reaction is the usual Aw, MAAAAAAAAA!!!!! thing about how she shouldn't nag him all the time.

Panel 3: He knows exactly what he needs to bring so she shouldn't ride him like he's an idiot.

Panel 4: He then proves that he is an idiot she has to nag all the time because he can't remember where any of it is.

Summary: What we have here is another example of Mike being hopelessly dependent on Elly because it's easier that way. Ah, well. He can remember where his hockey stuff is now because Deanna hauled away all that silly stuff to the landfill least Poopy Pants get any ideas about getting hurt or something.
Tuesday, February 14th, 2017
1:29 am
Wednesday, 15 February 2017
We end the blizzard arc with Mike making a bad pun about insurance when he tries to explain away the loaner Elly got as part of her coverage.

(Strip Number 1256, Original Publication Date, 16 February 1988)

Panel 1: Having noticed the new car in the driveway, an impressed Lizzie asks Mike where it came from. He tells her that they're renting it.

Panel 2: He then says that Mom and Dad pay a company to wait for them to have an accident and when they do, he THINKS that they have this thing that sort of says that they can use this car until the one they have is fixed....he guesses.

Panel 3: Since Lynn loves terrible wordplay and doesn't trust insurance companies, Mike tells her that it's called unsurance.

Summary: We get another reminder of Lynn's distrust of insurance people when Velocity Boy nails John's joywagon.....and when she goes nuts because we don't have flood insurance in this country.
Monday, February 13th, 2017
1:27 am
Valentines' Day 2017
John only seems to realize that Elly's being without a car is a problem when he risks having to have his children somehow child his car to bits or some stupid bloody thing.

(Strip Number 6047, Original Publication Date, 15 February 1988)

Panel 1: Now that they're home from the garage, we find an angst-ridden Elly telling John that the situation they're in is serious because she cannot function without wheels.

Panel 2: She tells him that she does not know how she's supposed to get Lizzie to her swim class before reminding him that Tuesday and Thursday are hockey practice, Mike has computer club on Friday and Lizzie skates on the weekend.

Panel 3: She alarms him by suggesting that they can cram their stuff into the Penismobile and HE can drive them.

Panel 4: Since John sees his children as two sets of grasping hands that break his stuff, he gets all goggle-eyed and finally agrees that the situation is serious.

Summary: We get to revisit John's aversion to doing stuff with his kids if it requires sacrifice on his part for most of the rest of the strip. We get to revisit this punchline when Elly is horrified by the idea of her adult children moving back in a year and a half from now.
Sunday, February 12th, 2017
1:23 am
Monday, 13 February 2017: John Patterson Is WRONG
Lynn is clearly trying to cast John as a chauvinistic creepola preaching the evil gospel of Woman As Unfit Driver when he says that the accident was actually not her fault but the way she set it up makes it look as if he's trying to spare her feelings instead.

(Strip Number 6046, Original Publication Date, 13 February 1988)

Panel 1: We find ourselves at Daly's Garage watching Elly freak out and tell everyone to look at her car.

Panel 2: Ray Daly tells Elly that the snow plow got a couple last night before telling her that they'll get'er all fixed up for her.

Panel 3: Elly tells John that she can't believe it; her car was in one piece yesterday and now, it's all smashed up.

Panel 4: Given that John is never going to know that she drove into a ditch, his comment about how amazing it is that it's not even her fault looks like him being a jerk hiding behind a stereotype to his wife's dismay but is actually something that Lynn didn't intend.

Summary: As I said, John is supposed to be a typical evil, conflict-causing MAN who thinks that women are stupid. What he looks like to me is someone trying to spare her feelings because I know that it kind of IS Elly's fault that her car got smooshed.
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