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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in The FOOBiverse!'s LiveJournal:

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Wednesday, May 25th, 2016
6:30 am
Friday, 27 May 2016
Mike tries to avoid actual work by picking up garbage that's already in a bag.

(Strip Number 1162, Original Publication Date, 29 May 1987)

Panel 1: A little while later, Elly agrees to pay the boys to do an odd job.

Panel 2: Since this is 1987 and also since she's sort of cheap anyways, Elly offers them a dollar each to pick up the garbage in the alley.

Panel 3: She hands each boy a bag; when said bag is filled, they get their money.

Panel 4: We find Gordon and Brian picking colourless trash off of the magenta ground while Michael picks it out of a trash can to make it easy. This causes Brian to tell Mike that what he's doing is not what Elly meant for him to be doing.

Summary: Mike has a fairly strong aversion to helping out around the house. We'll see how extreme that gets when he starts comparing it to a Soviet gulag because someone as cool as he is has to lower himself to set the table.
1:28 am
Thursday, 26 May 2016
Today's strip has Mike look at Brian like he's from Mars because he wants to earn money instead of have it handed to him for breathing.

(Strip Number 1161, Original Publication Date, 28 May 1987)

Panel 1: Michael says that if only he, Gordon and Brian had some money, they could go to the store.

Panel 2: Cheerful Worker Bee Brian suggests they earn some by doing odd jobs.

Panel 3: Entiltled Parasites Mike and Gordon look at him like he's Hitler or Skeletor or something.

Panel 4: Michael repeats his initial statement about how great it would be if they magically had unearned money.

Summary: We'll see why Mike has this bad work ethic later in the week. We'll learn why Gordon grows out of it ten years from now.
Tuesday, May 24th, 2016
1:26 am
Wednesday, 25 May 2016
Today's strip is brought to you by class warfare because Gordon insists that most of the fun of being rich is mocking the poor.

(Strip Number 1160, Original Publication Date, 27 May 1987)

Panel 1: As they walk down the street, Michael tells Brian and Gordo that he thinks it would be neat to be rich.

Panel 2: Brian thinks it would be great for everyone to be rich and to have no poor people at all.

Panel 3: Gordon tells him that there ALWAYS have to be poor people. Brian asks why.

Panel 4: Gordon says that if there were no poor people, the rich would have no fun being rich.

Summary: Given who and what she is, Lynn will probably bleat that being rich is no fun at all because cruel people with no sense of human who hate her want her to sock her money away instead of pissing it away like a lottery winner.
Monday, May 23rd, 2016
1:24 am
Tuesday, 24 May 2016
Mike is told that asking people how much they make is somewhat rude while we get told that making wild guesses is a much better way to envy people.

(Strip Number 4805, Original Publication Date, 26 May 1987)

Panel 1: A little while later, Michael asks Elly if Lawrence's stepdad is rich. She doesn't think so.

Panel 2: When Mike asks how much he does make, she says that it's none of the Pattersons' business.

Panel 3: She actually looks him in the eye when she explains that it's rude to ask people how much they make because it's an invasion of privacy.

Panel 4: She then thought-bubbles that what we do is we make rough estimates.

Summary: This is a common enough problem, I should think. At one point or another, all of the kids have to be cautioned against this sort of breach of decorum.
Sunday, May 22nd, 2016
1:32 am
Victoria Day 2016
We begin a rather annoying and preachy arc about The Value Of Money by having Gordon declare that Greg has to be rich because he works in a bank.

(Strip Number 1159, Original Publication Date, 25 May 1987)

Panel 1: As Gordon looks on, Brian asks Michael when Lawrence is moving back. Michael tells them he won't be there until school is over.

Panel 2: That being said, Lawrence's new dad has already moved in 'cause he got transferred or somethin'.

Panel 3: Brian asks Mike what the man does and Mike tells him that he works in a bank.

Panel 4: Upon hearing this, Gordon says "WOW! He must be RICH!!"

Summary: This is probably because his idea of how the economy works is derived from reading the exploits of Scrooge McDuck. In the real world, he probably has the same take-home as John or Keith or maybe even Ted.
Saturday, May 21st, 2016
1:20 am
Sunday, 22 May 2016
In today's strip, we are encouraged to think terrible thoughts about a frightened dog because Elly regards being mildly inconvenienced as rather more heinous than a war crime or something.

(Strip Number 6702, Original Publication Date, 24 May 1987)

Panel 1: As Elly gets ready to take the car out for some sort of outing, she's mildly angered that Farley bounds into the car before she can close the door.

Panel 2: She gracelessly tells him that he can come along with her.

Panel 3: As she pays the attendant for whatever she's about to do, Elly tells Farley to hang on because this won't take a minute.

Panel 4: It appears that we are in a car wash. Given that Farley makes a panicky-sounding "AWK" noise when the machinery starts and given that we understand how dogs react to things, it's obvious as all Hell to US that we're in for "dog terrified of vacuum cleaner" on steroids. Given that Elly's smiling and that she will die not understanding dogs, she doesn't realize what she's in for.

Panel 5: His panicked howling and crawling all over her soon teach her what she's in for as she tells him to get off of her.

Panel 6: She tells him to cut out the howling and clawing at the door in order to escape the horrible place of scary noise.

Panel 7: She then tells a terrified dog to calm down in the expectation that it might actually work.

Panel 8: When she gets home, a freaked-out John looks at a bedraggled Elly and asks her what happened.

Panel 9: Rage-Goblin Elly thinks terrible thoughts about Farley when she says to never take a dog through a car wash.

Summary: The problem with making it all Farley's fault because dogs are stupid and deserve to be smacked around is that we see that it's Elly's fault for not shooing him out of the car and for assuming that she could lecture him into not acting like a dog.
Friday, May 20th, 2016
1:45 am
Saturday, 21 May 2016
John has an evil and wrong habit of his own: not wanting to waste time making heavy, dyspepsia-inducing meals that leave children too stuffed and unhappy to play like he's supposed to.

(Strip Number 1158, Original Publication Date, 23 May 1987)

Panel 1: Elly is angry with John for letting the kids eat canned spaghetti and canned chocolate pudding for dinner.

Panel 2: He asks her what was so wrong with that.

Panel 3: What was wrong with that is that he could have made a balanced meal from stuff in the fridge.

Panel 4: He angers her further by saying that he balanced the hassles of cooking vegetables that the kids hate against the convenience of opening cans.

Summary: Elly seems to have been rather over-sold on the idea that needlessly complicating the preparation of meals is a sign of love. Since she never taught her kids manners, they wolf down grub and spuds and get them all over their duds without noticing that it's killing her.
Thursday, May 19th, 2016
1:42 am
Friday, 20 May 2016
As Elly helps Greg move in, we get a reminder that left to their own devices, children have the evil and wrong habit of preferring the irrelevance that is 'tasting good' to nutrition.

(Strip Number 4804, Original Publication Date, 22 May 1987)

Panel 1: As he and Lizzie watch John slap together a sandwich, Mike asks John where Elly is only to be told that she's next door helping Mr Thomas move in.

Panel 2: When he asks what's to eat, John tells Mike that Mom said that they were to fend for themselves.

Panel 3: When he asks if they can eat anything they want, John tells Mike that as long as it's good for them, yes, they can eat whatever they want.

Panel 4: When they grab a big can of chocolate pudding out of a cupboard, Mike and Lizzie both agree that it looks good to them.

Summary: This is where Daffy Duck would come along and mutter "preposition trouble" or something. This is also where DreadedCandiru2 would come along and say that Cordon Bleeeeurrrrghhhhh Chef Elly has passed off so many terrible-tasting meals as being good for them that they seek out things that are delicious in order to rebel against her reign of stodgy, dyspepsia-inducing terror.
Wednesday, May 18th, 2016
1:40 am
Thursday, 19 May 2016
As Greg complains about living on coffee and adrenaline, John reminds us that he'd be the first to give a drowning man a glass of water.

(Strip Number 4803, Original Publication Date, 21 May 1987)

Panel 1: I should think that it's a day after Elly's visit with Thelma. That's because Mike is exhorting Lizzie to lookit the size of that movin'van next door.

Panel 2: The May 1987 Greg Thomas tells John that he's just driven fourteen hours straight. His nerves are shot with caffeine and his backside is killing him.

Panel 3: He then tells John that he's very fatigued before asking if he can crash at his place for a few necessary millennia of rest.

Panel 4: He then wonders if John was paying attention because John offers him a good hot cuppacoffee.

Summary: John means well most of the time. It's just that he never does well because he doesn't think well or listen well.
Tuesday, May 17th, 2016
1:58 am
Wednesday, 18 May 2016
Mrs Baird seems to be the first person in strip history to use floral arrangements as fuel for a heavy-handed metaphor about remembering those who have gone before.

(Strip Number 4802, Original Publication Date, 20 May 1987)

Panel 1: As Elly gets ready to leave, Mrs Baird asks her when her friend Connie moves into her old house. Elly says that Connie's husband and their furniture arrive tommorow.

Panel 2: Thelma says good-bye and states that she'll miss living next door to the Pattersons.

Panel 3: As a parting gesture, she reaches down, grabs a clump of flowers and asks Elly to take them. Elly asks what they are.

Panel 4: What they are is forget-me-nots.

Summary: This, I think, is what they end up planting next to the reincarnations at the base of the Farley tree.
Monday, May 16th, 2016
1:55 am
Tuesday, 17 May 2016
As she shows Elly the grounds of the complex, Mrs Baird demonstrates a rudimentary knowledge of some of her fellow tenants. Also, a nasty joke is made at the expense of the hearing-impaired.

(Strip Number 1157, Original Publication Date, 19 May 1987)

Panel 1: As Elly prepares to leave, Thelma tells her to not go quite yet because she wants company walking the grounds.

Panel 2: As they do so, we see another resident of the complex sitting on a bench in the foreground as Thelma talks about how pleasant the surroundings are and how she already knows a little about some of the other residents.

Panel 3: As a baffled Elly looks on, Thelma goes up to the woman on the bench and yells YARD SALE as loudly as possible at the back of her head.

Panel 4: As they walk on, Thelma says "For example, Mrs Soames is quite deaf."

Summary: Any notes would probably have her state that no hearing-impaired people complained about the joke.
Sunday, May 15th, 2016
1:53 am
Monday, 16 May 2016
Thelma Baird's contribution to Housening 1987 begins to end with her complaining about how few men there are at Bedside Manor.

(Strip Number 1156, Original Publication Date, 18 May 1987)

Panel 1: We find ourselves watching Elly visit Thelma Baird at the seniors complex; she thinks that Thelma's going to like it there because she's got herself a well-appointed anteroom to Masky McDeath's Void.

Panel 2: She goes on to remind Mrs Baird that they've got a dining room, an on-call nurse, get-togethers, activities and other amenities.

Panel 3: Mrs Baird says that it's okay for a senior's home; she only has one complaint.

Panel 4: For some reason, Elly is astonished when Thelma says that there aren't enough men.

Summary: This is because Golden Girls had yet to become a cultural force. Up to that point, the idea was that the urge for companionship went away over time which is bollocks. Lynn knows better now.
Saturday, May 14th, 2016
1:24 am
Sunday, 15 May 2016
It would seem that Lynn is not yet done with trying to turn Farley into a cartoon dog it's okay to abuse because she turns him into the hound dog from Quickdraw McGraw.

(Strip Number 7035, Original Publication Date, 17 May 1987)

Panel 1: As Farley looks on, Mike grabs a loaf of bread out of the cupboard.

Panel 2: He also looks on as Mike takes the toaster out.

Panel 3: The strip proper begins with Farley licking his lips in anticipation like a cartoon dog when Mike puts bread in the toaster.

Panel 4: Mike looks at him when the toast pops out.

Panel 5: He then offers Farley people food like an idjit.

Panel 6: As Lizzie makes the scene, ol'Farl snorts at the toast and saunters off in disgust....which is something that never happens in real life. In real life, Farley would have gobbled down the toast.

Panel 7: Mike bellows about how stupid the dog is for rejecting the toast he's been begging for and demands to know why.

Panel 8: Lizzie looks at the toast.

Panel 9: Mike is gobsmacked when she says that there's no butter on it.

Summary: This is the first of three strips dedicated to tormenting the dog Lynn still hates with an intense passion. Next week, we are encouraged to think terrible things because Elly is too stupid to understand what a car wash sounds like to a dog.
Friday, May 13th, 2016
1:21 am
Saturday, 14 May 2016
We end the arc on a vaguely sweet note when John remembers feeling like the same sort of outsider Lizzie becomes.

(Strip Number 1155, Original Publication Date, 16 May 1987)

Panel 1: As they walk back to the car after class, Elly tells John that she never knew that he was so emotional about high school.

Panel 2: He reveals his commonality with Liz by saying that he was insecure and never thought that anyone really liked him all that much.

Panel 3: Elly stammers out an awkward confession of love.

Panel 4: When he proposes going for a root-beer float to make a new, better memory, she reminds him she's got a curfew of twelve.

Summary: This is a sort of nice note to end things on....despite it being a festival in enabling male fragility. This is because the unspoken implication is that Elly quietly decides to drop the classes because John feels bad.
Thursday, May 12th, 2016
1:26 am
Friday, 13 May 2016
John and Mark come right and whine about the horror of feeling awkward and vulnerable to unimpressed spouses who remember how God-damned long it takes to look 'perfect'.

(Strip Number 1154, Original Publication Date, 15 May 1987)

Panel 1: A few minutes later, the instructor tells the class to take a fifteen minute break.

Panel 2: This pleases John because he hated this. Elly tries to remind him of how fun it was to be a carefree teenager.

Panel 3: Jean's baby-man husband tells her that it's easy for her to say because all she had to do was sit around and wait for a guy to make the first move.

Panel 4: When John bleats about the horror of dying from embarrassment and risking rejection, Elly has enough of the smell of soiled baby-diaper and asks Jean if she cares to dance.

Summary: I wonder what the Hell Rod did to make John into an itty-bitty baby crying for MAMA because he wasn't a social lion. Perhaps this is a revenge kill for starting a new practice.
Wednesday, May 11th, 2016
1:23 am
Thursday, 12 May 2016
The song they're playing in the background seems to call to clueless dipshit John's mind having his ass getting dumped for stupidly taking a Patsy O'Connor for granted like a damned fool.

(Strip Number 1153, Original Publication Date, 14 May 1987)

Panel 1: As Del Shannon's "Runaway" plays in the background, Elly is dancing away but John has gone into stasis lock.

Panel 2: Having noticed that he's not moving along, she tries to get him to move.

Panel 3: She then asks him what's the matter.

Panel 4: What's the matter is that he still doesn't know why a Patsy O'Connor dumped him in the tenth grade.

Summary: Yeah. This is productive. Brooding over crap from high school for twenty years. Wanna sit on Les Moore's porch swing and eat terrible Ahia pizza there, Johnny Jump-up? Gonna put the cheesy Starbuck Jones serial from the fifties on your Netflix list?
Tuesday, May 10th, 2016
1:20 am
Wednesday, 11 May 2016
As the arc continues, we get to John's motive: he doesn't like being reminded of any time in his life where he was awkward and embarrassed like the rest of us.

(Strip Number 1152, Original Publication Date, 13 May 1987)

Panel 1: Now that we're at the class, we find the instructor telling her charges that now, they're going to learn the dance they've been waiting for.

Panel 2: She impresses the women (and JUST the women) when she declares they're going to learn the Jive.

Panel 3: Elly is uncharacteristically enthusiastic when she tells John to remember his high school Prom, sock hops and first dates.

Panel 4: Since she doesn't realize that he has a hang-up because he was not BMOC, she doesn't realize that he's thought-bubbling that after 20 years, he should be allowed to forget being an alienated weirdo who no one really liked.

Summary: So.....Elly can't have something she likes because this idiot wasn't the social lion he'd hoped to be. Tune in next year when he tries to stall her having the nice new kitchen she deserves because his mother didn't have all that sort of nice stuff.
Monday, May 9th, 2016
1:18 am
Tuesday, 10 May 2016
As they drive to the dance class, John thought-bubbles his discomfort with the whole thing.

(Strip Number 1151 , Original Publication Date, 12 May 1987)

Panel 1: As he plays around with the hose in order to stall something depressing, Elly tells John that they don't want to be late for dance class. This makes him play the "We don't" card.

Panel 2: Since she's yet to be aware of Patsy O'Connor, Elly tells him to be honest with himself and admit that he looks forward to these dance lessons.

Panel 3: As he gets in the car, he mollifies her with a half-hearted 'Sure.'

Panel 4: As they drive by, he muses that he looks forward to them the way he looks forward to major surgery.

Summary: The reason he isn't looking forward to this class is rather annoying and trends towards supporting wyntir_knight 's belief that since his childhood was 'awful', Elly can't have nice things.
Saturday, May 7th, 2016
10:24 pm
Sunday, May 8th, 2016
1:47 am
Monday, 9 May 2016
As the ballroom dance class resumes, we find ourselves enduring John substituting a pun that should have been banned by the Geneva convention for giving a child a straight answer.

(Strip 6044, Original Publication Date, 11 May 1987-)

Panel 1: As they leave for the last class, Michael asks Elly why she and John are taking dance lessons.

Panel 2: Elly tells him that it's good for you because it develops self-confidence and poise.

Panel 3: Elizabeth asks John "what's poise" because she expects a straight answer from a grown-up.

Panel 4: Since John is a boorish man-child, he responds with a pun and says it's what a New Yorker calls a handbag.

Summary: This is probably one of the last strips lifted from a sitcom. This is because he is about to give stupid advice instead of relying on stupid wordplay.
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