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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in The FOOBiverse!'s LiveJournal:

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Sunday, February 7th, 2016
1:14 am
Monday, 8 February 2016
We lurch uneasily into the second coming of Melody Morrison when Lizzie asks Elly a question about greeting card writers that doesn't seem to have occurred to her.

(Strip Number 4759, Original Publication Date, 9 February 1987)

Panel 1: We find Elly and Lizzie at a greeting card store. When Lizzie asks her who makes all those Valentine's cards, Elly tells her that someone at the greeting card company does.

Panel 2: She goes on to explain that there's a group of people who think up hundreds of ways to say "I love you."

Panel 3: Lizzie asks Mommy something else.

Panel 4: That something is "Do the greeting card people mean it?"

Summary: The idea Lizzie probably has is that if the greeting card people don't mean it, the card is worthless. Anyway, that's probably what Lindy thought. Also, why are Elly's only reactions to what her children say confusion, panic or rage?
Saturday, February 6th, 2016
1:05 am
Sunday, 7 February 2016
In today's strip, Elly overreacts to the children's going stir crazy because it's too damned cold out for them to wander around like lost souls.

(Strip Number 7236, Original Publication Date, 8 February 1987)

Panel 1: We start things off with Mike looking out the window and sighing because it's too cold out to play.

Panel 2: Lizzie goes channel-surfing in order to find something to fill the void left by Elly and John's inability to engage with their children.

Panel 3: Mike bounces a ball against the wall out of boredom.

Panel 4: Lizzie flips through the only book in the house.

Panel 5: Mike kicks the walls of his bedroom.

Panel 6: He walks over to Lizzie's room where she's humming to herself.

Panel 7: Out of sheer boredom, he bops her on the head.

Panel 8: They turn into a flailing, shouting ball of limbs, anger and violence.

Panel 9: This finally attracts the attention of their (alleged) parents when John asks Elly what's wrong with them.

Panel 10: Panicky Elly panics as she grabs him by the shirt-front and tells him that it's FEBRUARY!!!!

Summary: We can expect a Lynnsight that either berates the kids for succumbing to cabin fever or us for wondering why Lynn would send them out to freeze to death in order not to have them underfoot. We can also expect a defense of her refusal to interact with them unless she wants to nag them about something.
Friday, February 5th, 2016
1:28 am
Saturday, 6 February 2016: I have a 'suggestion' for Elly: DEATH!!!
We end the week with a reminder that Elly would rather consult an egg timer than a weather forecast when deciding when to let her kids back in the house.

(Strip Number 4758, Original Publication Date, 7 February 1987)

Panel 1: Now that the snow and wind have picked up with an authority, we find Mike and Lizzie on the porch asking if they can be let in. Since Elly is stupid, she says that they just went out.

Panel 2: Mike is told "a while" when he asks how much longer that he and Lizzie have to be out in a damned snowstorm.

Panel 3: Lizzie tags in and yells MOM only to have Elly ask what she wants.

Panel 4: Lizzie asks her if they can come back in when they're stiff.

Summary: This is probably why people point at Elly behind her back and make the PU gesture at her. It's appalling to see the stupid woman in the ponytail leave her children out in a damned blizzard because she's too effing fragile to cope with them and too bloody dim to look out her window and realize that her children are out in a snowstorm.
Thursday, February 4th, 2016
1:13 am
Friday, 5 February 2016
It would appear that Christopher isn't able to see in front of him and realize why his sled has stalled.

(Strip Number 4757, Original Publication Date, 6 February 1987)

Panel 1: We find all three children sitting on the sled stuck because their weight has turned it into a plow. Rather than look down at the drift their bulk has caused, Chris comments on how for some reason, they don't seem to be going anywhere.

Summary: What would have been interesting is seeing the decision making process that led to the three of them piling on like idiots instead of taking turns and having fun.
Wednesday, February 3rd, 2016
1:13 am
Thursday, 4 February 2016
Christopher will allow the Pattersons to accompany him sledding IF they do all the work getting them to the top of the hill.

(Strip Number 4755, Original Publication Date, 5 February 1987)

Panel 1: Christopher says that he's going sledding in the park. Mike asks if he and Lizzie can come with.

Panel 2: He says that they can IF they agree to a simple condition.

Panel 3: Said condition is pulling the sled with him on it. He must weigh a ton because Lizzie looks as wiped pushing him as Mike does pulling him.

Summary: I'm not really sure how Annie's permissive parenting is why the Patterson children are gullible saps but I'm sure she'll be blamed for Chris being an opportunistic jerk somehow. After all, Lynn blamed Gordon's being from a lower-class household for Mike being a prime sucker so it's something she'll do again.
Tuesday, February 2nd, 2016
1:16 am
Wednesday, 3 February 2016
For some reason or another, Mike and Lizzie believe that since Chris's hat is patterned like a bull's eye, they're allowed to pelt him with snowballs.

(Strip Number 4755, Original Publication Date, 4 February 1987)

Panel 1: As she and Mike continue their walk down the street, Liz calls his attention to the fact that Christopher is hauling a toboggan behind him.

Panel 2: Although we can't see his face but can see that his hat is vaguely patterned like a target, he probably does the tongue-stuck-out-after-getting-hit thing because he's been pelted with snowballs.

Panel 3: He asks Mike and Liz why they did that.

Panel 4: Lizzie says that they couldn't help themselves given what his hat looked like.

Summary: We should probably expect a Little Lindy show about her own inability to resist being a jerk to her peers and how unfair people were tempting her like that. Since she has no self-control or respect for boundaries, it's on everyone else to accommodate her being a malicious ass to everyone she meets.
Monday, February 1st, 2016
1:23 am
Tuesday, 2 February 2016
For some reason or another, Mike and Lizzie have an age-inappropriate obsession with being able to recognize their neighborhood.

(Strip Number 1115, Original Publication Date, 3 February 1987)

Panel 1: As they walk down the street, Mike and Liz comment about how Mrs Baird really is moving.

Panel 2: Mike then says that the whole neighbourhood is changing.

Panel 3: Lynn makes a mild visual joke because the fact that Mike and Lizzie's faces are obscured by snow gear makes his comment about how soon, you won't be able to recognize anyone somewhat silly.

Summary: While most of me wonders what normal child says this, the rest of me thinks that this is probably Lynn's messed-up way of explaining her children's post-exodus feeling of dislocation. Expect notes that allude to her not much liking her children telling her "this sounds like something a middle-aged woman who doesn't understand how children think trying to see things their way and failing would have children say."
Saturday, January 30th, 2016
7:17 am
Monday, 1 February 2016
For some reason, Mike and Lizzie try to cover up the For Sale sign Mrs Baird puts on their house.

(Strip Number 1114, Original Publication Date, 2 February 1987)

Panel 1: Michael calls Elizabeth's attention to the fact that Mrs Baird has just put a For Sale sign on her front lawn.

Panel 2: Lizzie looks at the awful sign of the world changing forever and sighs in despair.

Panel 3: She then asks Thelma if she and Mike can build a snowman on her front lawn. Thelma agrees to this.

Panel 4: As they walk away smiling, we find that they placed the snowman in such a manner that it obscures the sign.

Summary: It doesn't really matter what the kids do or think or if it's age-appropriate for them to be obsessed with what the neighborhood looks like; that's because Connie will move next door this June and it cannot be prevented by a snowman Thelma will get rid of as soon as she steps out to check the mail.
Friday, January 29th, 2016
9:14 am
Lynn's Meat Loaf (actually Ursula's)

Lynn talks about her meat loaf. As usual, I will discuss it after the cut

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Saturday, January 30th, 2016
1:28 am
Sunday, 31 January 2016
Mike, Lizzie and Christopher build mutant snow goons because snow is really, really heavy.

(Strip Number 6160, 1 February 1987)

Panel 1: As Mike roots through the fridge, Elly asks him what he's doing inside when he's supposed to be building a snowman. Mike explains that he still is.

Panel 2: As he holds up a carrot, he explains that Elizabeth ate the nose.

Panel 3: As Mike strains himself rolling a huge ball of snow, Lizzie speaks in pictures to tell Christopher that they intend building a huge snowman.

Panel 4: Mike directs the younger children to make the middle ball. This does not go well because snow in packs is very heavy and is hard for small children to push around.

Panel 5: They all strain to lift the snowball and find themselves unequal to the task.

Panel 6: Lizzie speaks in pictures again to tell the other two that the top ball weighs a thousand pounds.

Panel 7: They weigh the advantage of having the big snowman against the disadvantage of killing themselves to build it.

Panel 8: They solve their problem by leaving the three component balls where they are and giving them small heads. A purist might object to their snow microcephalic hobbits but they walk away satisfied.

Summary: This is probably meant to indicate that children are lazy but I see them as being smart enough to know when to quit doing something stupid. Also, expect Lynn to provide notes complaining about how her attempt to internationalize her humor isn't 'good' enough owing to her inability to think metric.
Friday, January 29th, 2016
1:48 am
Saturday, 30 January 2016: Elly Patterson: Nagging Addict.
We end the week with a reminder that Elly has an addiction to bombarding all comers with unwelcome and unsolicited advice she can't rid herself of.

(Strip Number 4754, Orignal Publication Date, 31 January 1987)

Panel 1: As he gets ready to head home, Phil tells Elly that he loves her but she gets too wrapped up in his personal business.

Panel 2: He needs to live his life at his own pace and will get married, look at houses and quit smoking when he's ready.

Panel 3: He wants her to stop telling him what to do. She sort of agrees to do so.

Panel 4: When the bossy irritant says that from now on, she'll call her corrosive nagging "suggestions", Phil is displeased but probably not surprised because he remembers who his sister is.

Summary: Elly lacks self-awareness and doesn't realize that she's thought of as a humorless scold who can't mind her own business. When people do tell her this, she doesn't take it well.
Wednesday, January 27th, 2016
7:59 am
The Foobiverse Roadshow: Lynn does Thunder Bay.
It would seem that Lynn has taken her show on the road to Thunder Bay. This should be interesting because it's probably the first time she's been there.

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Thursday, January 28th, 2016
1:46 am
Friday, 29 January 2016
We come to the home stretch of the current arc when Mrs Baird's suggestion that Phil provide the pitter-patter of little feet her barren womb and her husband's cancer-withered body denies her leads him to run away screaming from the dread prospect of giving Elly another thing to beat him over the head with.

(Strip Number 4753, Original Publication Date, 30 January 1987)

Panel 1: Phil tries explaining to Elly that he isn't even married yet so would she please let him get though that crisis before he goes through the next one.

Panel 2: Thelma alarms him when she tries to sell the house by telling him that there's room for a baby.

Panel 3: Phil runs from the room screaming.

Panel 4: Thelma tells Elly that Phil isn't ready to look at houses.

Summary: Phil is also not ready to spend the rest of his life with Elly breathing down his neck and also not ready to go down in flames as horrifically as she did.
Wednesday, January 27th, 2016
7:37 am
Lynn's travel plans.
It seems that I've been negligent in covering the newsletter section of the website. This is a shame because Lynn reveals astonishing ignorance of the world around her.

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- At one point, Tasmania WAS a separate colony of the British Empire. This status ended when it and several other white settler colonies in that part of the world became a dominion like the one Lynn and I live in called the Commonwealth of Australia. It hasn't BEEN a separate place for 115 years or so but you can't tell her that without being shrieked at.

- Good luck with the drive around Iceland.

- She's gonna fit right in when she gets to Melbourne because hey, they're not going to notice another lapsed low-church Anglican with a lager-pickled brain.
1:43 am
Thursday, 28 January 2016: Elly needs a diet called 'death.'
Elly and Mrs Baird ambush Phil with the lovely proposal that he move right next door so Elly can storm on over at will and nag him incessantly.

(Strip Number 4752, Original Publication Date, 29 January 1987)

Panel 1: As Phil drinks some coffee, Mrs Baird tells them that it's time for her to move to a smaller place that's easier for her to look after.

Panel 2: She wanted to tell Elly first in case she knew someone looking for a new place to live.

Panel 3: When Elly tells Phil it's a nice place, he's taken aback by the suggestion that he become her neighbor.

Panel 4: When Thelma offers to hold the mortgage, Phil says to HOLD EVERYTHING! because she and Elly are moving too fast.

Summary: Not only are they putting the cart before the horse here, the idea of spending the rest of his life listening to that dim-witted shrew Elly beefing at him unmolested because she won't let the past go is as hellish as having to live in the same neighbourhood as Ted and Sally Forth.
Tuesday, January 26th, 2016
1:41 am
Wednesday, 27 January 2016
Elly's confusion as to where Mrs Baird intends waiting out the clock leads to a reminder that Lizzie seems to be put there for the purpose of emitting cutesie treacle.

(Strip number 4751, Original Publication Date, 28 January 1987)

Panel 1: Elly is taken aback by Mrs Baird's plans. After all, they've been neighbors for years and she wants to know where she intends moving to.

Panel 2: Lizzie is horror struck when Mrs Baird talks about visiting that nice seniors' apartment complex on the corner of Maple and Brand.

Panel 3: When Lizzie says that said place is just for OLD people, Elly and Thelma smile wanly.

Summary: Lizzie doesn't quite realize exactly how old the nice lady next door actually is. She sort of clues in next May when Thelma strokes out and dies in her sleep.
Monday, January 25th, 2016
1:39 am
Tuesday, 26 January 2016
Mrs Baird's explaining that the time has come to downsize leads to what Lynn thinks is normal child dialogue.

(Strip Number 1113, Original Publication Date, 27 January 1987)

Panel 1: Mrs Baird tells Elly that she had an idea that morning and wanted to run it by her what with her having declared her the daughter fate denied her and everything.

Panel 2: Said idea is putting her house up for sale.

Panel 3: This is because she looked around and decided her big old house is too big for her.

Panel 4: As she and Elly talk about this in the background, Mike is in the foreground telling Lizzie that people shrink when they get older.

Summary: This doesn't seem like a thing a child would think to me. It seems like something a middle-aged woman thinks a child would say. Ten year old me wouldn't be thinking she was shrinking but instead would probably have thought something dumb like making her house smaller because I couldn't wrap my head around her being too damned old to live on her own any longer.
Sunday, January 24th, 2016
1:38 am
Monday, 25 January 2016
We begin the next part of the "Connie's triumphant return" arc with Michael accidentally stating that Phil refers to Mrs Baird as 'that old fogy with the dogs.'

(Strip Number 1112, Original Publication Date, 26 January 1987)

Panel 1: Michael announces that Mrs. Baird is at the door.

Panel 2: Thelma asks to come in for a cuppa and some conversation.

Panel 3: Michael tells her that Phil saw her through the kitchen window.

Panel 4: Phil face-palms when Mike asks a horrified Elly the embarrassing question "Mom? What's a 'fogey'?"

Summary: Lynn seems to love the word 'fogey' because she can use it as a stick to beat younger people who call stodgy, humorless and timid Elly stodgy and humorless and timid over the head with.
Saturday, January 23rd, 2016
1:33 am
Sunday, 24 January 2016
Mike manages to duck yet another lecture about how Elly isn't his maid by going out before she can deliver it. Her response is to act as if she's his maid.

(Strip Number 7235, Original Publication Date, 25 January 1987)

Panel 1: We start things off with Elly looking at the winter clothing Mike casually tossed aside because Mom always picks it up.

Panel 2: Elly snarls in fury.

Panel 3: Elly yells upstairs to remind Mike that he's just tossed his jacket on the floor again.

Panel 4: He's dead wrong if he thinks she's picking up after him again.

Panel 5: She was NOT put on the Earth to be his personal slave and has hung up his jacket for the last time.

Panel 6: When she yells for him to come down right now, Lizzie walks downstairs to see what's going on.

Panel 7: Elly asks Lizzie where Mike is. Lizzie says that he went out.

Panel 8: It seems that he put on his Ski-Doo (snowmobile) suit and went out the front door.

Panel 9: Elly stares at the stuff Mike just left there without thinking.

Panel 10: A depressed looking Elly hangs up the coat.

Summary: This, sadly, leads to his never quite realizing that Elly does have better things to do in life than to pick up his jacket. A firmer parent would have either waited for him to get home and given him what-for or chased him down and MADE him do his job. Elly is not firm and spent Mike's college years doing his laundry. After all, it takes two to be a presumptuous dickhole who thinks his mom is his servant: Fist Magnet Mike™ and his spineless mother who lets him get away with it.
Thursday, January 21st, 2016
7:37 am
Saturday, 23 January 2016: You're dead to me, Phil.
We end the week with Pathetic Baby-Man Phil bleating idiotically about how he wants to wait until he can no longer enjoy life anyway until he walks down the aisle to his doom.

(Strip Number 1111, Original Publication Date, 24 January 1987)

Panel 1: Elly finally twigs to the fact that Phil is freaking out about the wedding because he looks full of despair when he says that Georgia's picking out china patterns.

Panel 2: He whines that he has never owned more than could fit into his Volkswagen and now, Georgia is looking at bedroom suites.

Panel 3: Elly tells him to give up being a nomad and put town roots.

Panel 4: He'd rather wait until he's gone to seed.

Summary: We end the week where we began: with Phil making a big deal out of something that'll be all right because he likes the feeling of being martyred. Also, let's not forget that a lot of his simple way of life is in a storage shed some place because he can't really fit all of it into his Nazimobile.
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