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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in The FOOBiverse!'s LiveJournal:

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Friday, February 12th, 2016
1:50 am
[dreadedcandiru2]
Saturday, 13 February 2016
We end the week with Lizzie comparing Valentine's Day to an election.

(Strip Number 1116, Original Publication Date, 14 February 1987)

Panel 1: After the party, Lizzie, Paula and a third girl compare notes as to how many cards they've received so far.

Panel 2: Paula narrows her eyes in rage when she reminds them that the horrible Melody that they're NOT JEALOUS OF probably got more cards than they did.

Panel 3: Generic Blond Kid comes over and talks about how ever neat Valentine's parties are. She agrees.

Panel 4: When she compares them to an election to hammer home the anvilicious point about popularity contests, he's mildly confused.

Summary: By now, we've probably absorbed a lot of belligerent nonsense that reminds us that Lindy still hates and isn't jealous of the popular girls. Today, we get vindictive crap about schoolroom politics that obscures the fact that Lynn was feared rather than respected.
Thursday, February 11th, 2016
1:40 am
[dreadedcandiru2]
Friday, 12 February 2016
As promised, the last appearance of Humiliation-sensei has her collapse in a blubbering heap of despair when confronted with mildly unruly first graders.

(Strip Number 4763, Original Publication Date, 13 February 1987)

Panel 1: We find Miss Blais damned near having a heart attack because some kid named Ben won't quit bugging someone named Jody, someone else won't leave the hamster alone and when she wants everyone to put their cards in the box, some third kid named Kyle thinks that he and not Jill should be postman.

Panel 2: She then tells the grey mass of demanding monster children who demand things and thus overwhelm people to settle down because they'll have treats and games later before complaining about the glitter in her desk drawer.

Panel 3: When they witness the weakling sitting at her desk blubbering because antsy kids who talk over one another are too much to bear, Lizzie and Paula can't figure out why that might be.

Panel 4: Their only clue is a perplexing comment she made about spending four years in teachers' college.

Summary: Well, this is about it for her. Lizzie learns nothing from her while we learn too much about her. What we learn is that if she can't push someone around, she turns into a simpering abomination. Eventually, the Peter Principle takes hold and she ends up in a middle school auditorium turning the AC to 'meat locker' and slut-shaming girls dressing for a hot-ass September day.
Tuesday, February 9th, 2016
3:29 pm
[dreadedcandiru2]
The (third-tier) media cover Lynn's show
It would appear that I've been remiss in covering the reaction to Lynn's show. This is because it's attracted the attention of the local senior's organization, a university newspaper and also by the cable company's community access channel.

Be amazed as Lynn trots out the usual gibberish while coming up with a new angle: manga is terrible and poisonous because it destroys your talent. I mean, you can see her point. Careful attention to detail, hard work, having to keep track of what your characters are doing, erasing mistakes, actually paying your dues instead of being handed things on a tray by people you don't have the common decency to thank....those will just plain chase away the helpful spirits that would otherwise shine inspiration on the lucky few receptive to fairy dust and unicorn farts.
Wednesday, February 10th, 2016
1:32 am
[dreadedcandiru2]
Thursday, 11 February 2016
Today, Lizzie and Paula help us to see why it is that a sitting duck antagonist like Melody is gross and wrong; neither girl will admit it to anyone (especially not themselves) but they envy her.

(Strip Number 4762, Original Publication Date, 12 February 1987)

Panel 1: We find ourselves in class as Paula asks Lizzie if she did a card for Melody. Lizardbreath angrily says that she had to.

Panel 2: As we behold the baleful spectre of a fair-haired seven year old girl in a dress, the Breath and Paula snipe about what a superior snob someone they barely know is.

Panel 3: Paula grouses about how unfair it is that someone who's cuter, smarter and better dressed is more beloved than she and Lizzie are.

Panel 4: When they both thought-bubble that they wish THEY were her, we find out why they hate this kid.

Summary: What we have here is a sort of hint as to why it seems as if school girls cannot get along very well. People are filled with almost murderous envy they won't admit to because it's not nice. Remember how Apes went berserk when Jim tried to tell her that she was filled with the evil emotion jealousy? Same deal here, gang.
Tuesday, February 9th, 2016
1:27 am
[dreadedcandiru2]
Wednesday, 10 February 2016
Mike makes an observation about Melody that confuses Lizzie but doesn't succeed in enlightening her.

(Strip Number 4761, Original Publication Date, 11 February 1987)

Panel 1: We find Lizzie sitting at the kitchen table screaming about the unfairness of having to give a card to the hated Melody Morrison.

Panel 2: Mike comes along and asks what's wrong with this Melody person; Insecure Idiot Lizzie presages Equally Insecure Idiot April's jealousy and hatred of Becky by grumpily calling her perfect.

Panel 3: Mike says that he'd kind of hate to be perfect; Lizzie asks him why.

Panel 4: When he says that he couldn't be anything else, Lizzie tries to work out what that means.

Summary: Lizzie has no real interest in admitting that she hates someone because she makes her feel inadequate. It's why Therese is an ice machine that's jealous for no reason instead of someone who makes Lizardbreath feel like a stupid child.
Monday, February 8th, 2016
1:21 am
[dreadedcandiru2]
Tuesday, 9 February 2016
Lizzie confuses Elly when she doesn't want to hand a greeting card to Melody because she doesn't like her.

(Strip Number 4760, Original Publication Date, 10 February 1987)

Panel 1: When Lizzie hands Elly the package of Valentines cards she's willing to get, Elly points out the need for another package because there are more than eighteen kids in her class.

Panel 2: Lizzie sets up the conflict by declaring that it's all good because she's only going to give them to kids she actually likes.

Panel 3: Elly escalates the situation by calling that unfair because she's gotta give them to everyone no matter what they think of her.

Panel 4: Elly is mildly perplexed by Lizzie's terror of having to give a card to the dreaded Melody Morrison.

Summary: This is possibly because she doesn't quite get how stand-offish Lizzie can be. She'll learn, though.
Sunday, February 7th, 2016
1:14 am
[dreadedcandiru2]
Monday, 8 February 2016
We lurch uneasily into the second coming of Melody Morrison when Lizzie asks Elly a question about greeting card writers that doesn't seem to have occurred to her.

(Strip Number 4759, Original Publication Date, 9 February 1987)

Panel 1: We find Elly and Lizzie at a greeting card store. When Lizzie asks her who makes all those Valentine's cards, Elly tells her that someone at the greeting card company does.

Panel 2: She goes on to explain that there's a group of people who think up hundreds of ways to say "I love you."

Panel 3: Lizzie asks Mommy something else.

Panel 4: That something is "Do the greeting card people mean it?"

Summary: The idea Lizzie probably has is that if the greeting card people don't mean it, the card is worthless. Anyway, that's probably what Lindy thought. Also, why are Elly's only reactions to what her children say confusion, panic or rage?
Saturday, February 6th, 2016
1:05 am
[dreadedcandiru2]
Sunday, 7 February 2016
In today's strip, Elly overreacts to the children's going stir crazy because it's too damned cold out for them to wander around like lost souls.

(Strip Number 7236, Original Publication Date, 8 February 1987)

Panel 1: We start things off with Mike looking out the window and sighing because it's too cold out to play.

Panel 2: Lizzie goes channel-surfing in order to find something to fill the void left by Elly and John's inability to engage with their children.

Panel 3: Mike bounces a ball against the wall out of boredom.

Panel 4: Lizzie flips through the only book in the house.

Panel 5: Mike kicks the walls of his bedroom.

Panel 6: He walks over to Lizzie's room where she's humming to herself.

Panel 7: Out of sheer boredom, he bops her on the head.

Panel 8: They turn into a flailing, shouting ball of limbs, anger and violence.

Panel 9: This finally attracts the attention of their (alleged) parents when John asks Elly what's wrong with them.

Panel 10: Panicky Elly panics as she grabs him by the shirt-front and tells him that it's FEBRUARY!!!!

Summary: We can expect a Lynnsight that either berates the kids for succumbing to cabin fever or us for wondering why Lynn would send them out to freeze to death in order not to have them underfoot. We can also expect a defense of her refusal to interact with them unless she wants to nag them about something.
Friday, February 5th, 2016
1:28 am
[dreadedcandiru2]
Saturday, 6 February 2016: I have a 'suggestion' for Elly: DEATH!!!
We end the week with a reminder that Elly would rather consult an egg timer than a weather forecast when deciding when to let her kids back in the house.

(Strip Number 4758, Original Publication Date, 7 February 1987)

Panel 1: Now that the snow and wind have picked up with an authority, we find Mike and Lizzie on the porch asking if they can be let in. Since Elly is stupid, she says that they just went out.

Panel 2: Mike is told "a while" when he asks how much longer that he and Lizzie have to be out in a damned snowstorm.

Panel 3: Lizzie tags in and yells MOM only to have Elly ask what she wants.

Panel 4: Lizzie asks her if they can come back in when they're stiff.

Summary: This is probably why people point at Elly behind her back and make the PU gesture at her. It's appalling to see the stupid woman in the ponytail leave her children out in a damned blizzard because she's too effing fragile to cope with them and too bloody dim to look out her window and realize that her children are out in a snowstorm.
Thursday, February 4th, 2016
1:13 am
[dreadedcandiru2]
Friday, 5 February 2016
It would appear that Christopher isn't able to see in front of him and realize why his sled has stalled.

(Strip Number 4757, Original Publication Date, 6 February 1987)

Panel 1: We find all three children sitting on the sled stuck because their weight has turned it into a plow. Rather than look down at the drift their bulk has caused, Chris comments on how for some reason, they don't seem to be going anywhere.

Summary: What would have been interesting is seeing the decision making process that led to the three of them piling on like idiots instead of taking turns and having fun.
Wednesday, February 3rd, 2016
1:13 am
[dreadedcandiru2]
Thursday, 4 February 2016
Christopher will allow the Pattersons to accompany him sledding IF they do all the work getting them to the top of the hill.

(Strip Number 4755, Original Publication Date, 5 February 1987)

Panel 1: Christopher says that he's going sledding in the park. Mike asks if he and Lizzie can come with.

Panel 2: He says that they can IF they agree to a simple condition.

Panel 3: Said condition is pulling the sled with him on it. He must weigh a ton because Lizzie looks as wiped pushing him as Mike does pulling him.

Summary: I'm not really sure how Annie's permissive parenting is why the Patterson children are gullible saps but I'm sure she'll be blamed for Chris being an opportunistic jerk somehow. After all, Lynn blamed Gordon's being from a lower-class household for Mike being a prime sucker so it's something she'll do again.
Tuesday, February 2nd, 2016
1:16 am
[dreadedcandiru2]
Wednesday, 3 February 2016
For some reason or another, Mike and Lizzie believe that since Chris's hat is patterned like a bull's eye, they're allowed to pelt him with snowballs.

(Strip Number 4755, Original Publication Date, 4 February 1987)

Panel 1: As she and Mike continue their walk down the street, Liz calls his attention to the fact that Christopher is hauling a toboggan behind him.

Panel 2: Although we can't see his face but can see that his hat is vaguely patterned like a target, he probably does the tongue-stuck-out-after-getting-hit thing because he's been pelted with snowballs.

Panel 3: He asks Mike and Liz why they did that.

Panel 4: Lizzie says that they couldn't help themselves given what his hat looked like.

Summary: We should probably expect a Little Lindy show about her own inability to resist being a jerk to her peers and how unfair people were tempting her like that. Since she has no self-control or respect for boundaries, it's on everyone else to accommodate her being a malicious ass to everyone she meets.
Monday, February 1st, 2016
1:23 am
[dreadedcandiru2]
Tuesday, 2 February 2016
For some reason or another, Mike and Lizzie have an age-inappropriate obsession with being able to recognize their neighborhood.

(Strip Number 1115, Original Publication Date, 3 February 1987)

Panel 1: As they walk down the street, Mike and Liz comment about how Mrs Baird really is moving.

Panel 2: Mike then says that the whole neighbourhood is changing.

Panel 3: Lynn makes a mild visual joke because the fact that Mike and Lizzie's faces are obscured by snow gear makes his comment about how soon, you won't be able to recognize anyone somewhat silly.

Summary: While most of me wonders what normal child says this, the rest of me thinks that this is probably Lynn's messed-up way of explaining her children's post-exodus feeling of dislocation. Expect notes that allude to her not much liking her children telling her "this sounds like something a middle-aged woman who doesn't understand how children think trying to see things their way and failing would have children say."
Saturday, January 30th, 2016
7:17 am
[dreadedcandiru2]
Monday, 1 February 2016
For some reason, Mike and Lizzie try to cover up the For Sale sign Mrs Baird puts on their house.

(Strip Number 1114, Original Publication Date, 2 February 1987)

Panel 1: Michael calls Elizabeth's attention to the fact that Mrs Baird has just put a For Sale sign on her front lawn.

Panel 2: Lizzie looks at the awful sign of the world changing forever and sighs in despair.

Panel 3: She then asks Thelma if she and Mike can build a snowman on her front lawn. Thelma agrees to this.

Panel 4: As they walk away smiling, we find that they placed the snowman in such a manner that it obscures the sign.

Summary: It doesn't really matter what the kids do or think or if it's age-appropriate for them to be obsessed with what the neighborhood looks like; that's because Connie will move next door this June and it cannot be prevented by a snowman Thelma will get rid of as soon as she steps out to check the mail.
Friday, January 29th, 2016
9:14 am
[howtheduck]
Lynn's Meat Loaf (actually Ursula's)
http://www.fborfw.com/news/we-asked-lynn-her-famous-meat-loaf/

Lynn talks about her meat loaf. As usual, I will discuss it after the cut

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Saturday, January 30th, 2016
1:28 am
[dreadedcandiru2]
Sunday, 31 January 2016
Mike, Lizzie and Christopher build mutant snow goons because snow is really, really heavy.

(Strip Number 6160, 1 February 1987)

Panel 1: As Mike roots through the fridge, Elly asks him what he's doing inside when he's supposed to be building a snowman. Mike explains that he still is.

Panel 2: As he holds up a carrot, he explains that Elizabeth ate the nose.

Panel 3: As Mike strains himself rolling a huge ball of snow, Lizzie speaks in pictures to tell Christopher that they intend building a huge snowman.

Panel 4: Mike directs the younger children to make the middle ball. This does not go well because snow in packs is very heavy and is hard for small children to push around.

Panel 5: They all strain to lift the snowball and find themselves unequal to the task.

Panel 6: Lizzie speaks in pictures again to tell the other two that the top ball weighs a thousand pounds.

Panel 7: They weigh the advantage of having the big snowman against the disadvantage of killing themselves to build it.

Panel 8: They solve their problem by leaving the three component balls where they are and giving them small heads. A purist might object to their snow microcephalic hobbits but they walk away satisfied.

Summary: This is probably meant to indicate that children are lazy but I see them as being smart enough to know when to quit doing something stupid. Also, expect Lynn to provide notes complaining about how her attempt to internationalize her humor isn't 'good' enough owing to her inability to think metric.
Friday, January 29th, 2016
1:48 am
[dreadedcandiru2]
Saturday, 30 January 2016: Elly Patterson: Nagging Addict.
We end the week with a reminder that Elly has an addiction to bombarding all comers with unwelcome and unsolicited advice she can't rid herself of.

(Strip Number 4754, Orignal Publication Date, 31 January 1987)

Panel 1: As he gets ready to head home, Phil tells Elly that he loves her but she gets too wrapped up in his personal business.

Panel 2: He needs to live his life at his own pace and will get married, look at houses and quit smoking when he's ready.

Panel 3: He wants her to stop telling him what to do. She sort of agrees to do so.

Panel 4: When the bossy irritant says that from now on, she'll call her corrosive nagging "suggestions", Phil is displeased but probably not surprised because he remembers who his sister is.

Summary: Elly lacks self-awareness and doesn't realize that she's thought of as a humorless scold who can't mind her own business. When people do tell her this, she doesn't take it well.
Wednesday, January 27th, 2016
7:59 am
[dreadedcandiru2]
The Foobiverse Roadshow: Lynn does Thunder Bay.
It would seem that Lynn has taken her show on the road to Thunder Bay. This should be interesting because it's probably the first time she's been there.

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Thursday, January 28th, 2016
1:46 am
[dreadedcandiru2]
Friday, 29 January 2016
We come to the home stretch of the current arc when Mrs Baird's suggestion that Phil provide the pitter-patter of little feet her barren womb and her husband's cancer-withered body denies her leads him to run away screaming from the dread prospect of giving Elly another thing to beat him over the head with.

(Strip Number 4753, Original Publication Date, 30 January 1987)

Panel 1: Phil tries explaining to Elly that he isn't even married yet so would she please let him get though that crisis before he goes through the next one.

Panel 2: Thelma alarms him when she tries to sell the house by telling him that there's room for a baby.

Panel 3: Phil runs from the room screaming.

Panel 4: Thelma tells Elly that Phil isn't ready to look at houses.

Summary: Phil is also not ready to spend the rest of his life with Elly breathing down his neck and also not ready to go down in flames as horrifically as she did.
Wednesday, January 27th, 2016
7:37 am
[dreadedcandiru2]
Lynn's travel plans.
It seems that I've been negligent in covering the newsletter section of the website. This is a shame because Lynn reveals astonishing ignorance of the world around her.

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Notes:

- At one point, Tasmania WAS a separate colony of the British Empire. This status ended when it and several other white settler colonies in that part of the world became a dominion like the one Lynn and I live in called the Commonwealth of Australia. It hasn't BEEN a separate place for 115 years or so but you can't tell her that without being shrieked at.

- Good luck with the drive around Iceland.

- She's gonna fit right in when she gets to Melbourne because hey, they're not going to notice another lapsed low-church Anglican with a lager-pickled brain.
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