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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in The FOOBiverse!'s LiveJournal:

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Tuesday, July 26th, 2016
1:27 am
Wednesday, 27 July 2016
Elly reminds John that she can make his life Hell if he doesn't drop them off at the church instead of bombing on down to the dump like idiots.

(Strip Number 4836, Original Publication Date, 29 July 1987)

Panel 1: As anyone with a brain could have predicted, the garbage John has in the back is starting to stink up the car. As Elly fumes and Mike gags, Lizzie wants someone to roll down a window.

Panel 2: Elly tells John that she AIN'T going to the nuisance grounds; he can take them to the church and drop off the garbage later.

Panel 3: Since he's an idiot who doesn't want to admit that he should have waited until AFTER the ceremony to do this, he tries reminding her of what the smell will be like if they don't.

Panel 4: She shoots back by reminding her of the Hell he'll have to pay if they do.

Summary: John really doesn't like the idea of budging from untenable positions like this. I can think off the top of my head a lot of figures who don't listen to the smart person telling them not to do something dumb. This means that I (who wasted my youth watching Hanna Barbera cartoons) half-way expect Quick Draw McPattersaint to bellow "Hooooold on there, Baba Elly...I'll do the thin'in' around here....and DOOOOOOON'T you ferget it!!" because he's too stupid to realize what an idiot he is.
Monday, July 25th, 2016
1:24 am
Tuesday, 26 July 2016
Lynn panders to every woman who's ever complained that her husband seems to have a mental block against remembering birthdays, anniversaries or Valentine's Day by having John want to haul trash on the day of Phil and Georgia's wedding because to a MAN like him, today is just Trash Day and not anything else.

(Strip Number 4835, Original Publication Date, 28 July 1987)

Panel 1: We find ourselves outside watching Elly yell at Mike and Lizzie to stop dawdling or they're going to be late for the wedding.

Panel 2: As she gets to the car, she asks John why he's loading the day's trash in the back of the station wagon.

Panel 3: Her eyes are out on stalks when she asks him why he thinks they could stop at the dump on the way.

Panel 4: He tries to deflect the question by reminding her that she says he never takes her anywhere.

Summary: When John does stupid crap like this, he tells himself that he's being more practical than the romance-addled females he looks down on. The problem is that he's revealed to be a big, stupid idiot who gets himself into an embarrassing mess that reveals what a nitwit he is most of the time.
Sunday, July 24th, 2016
1:23 am
Monday, 25 July 2016
We begin the wedding arc with Mike paying Lizzie a very left-handed compliment about her appearance.

(Strip Number 1183, Original Publication Date, 27 July 1987)

Panel 1: It's the day of Phil and Georgia's wedding so we find ourselves watching Elly tell Lizzie to stand still while she gets her flower girl dress just right.

Panel 2: She gushes to insensitive clod John about what a beautiful day for a wedding it is and how excited that makes her.

Panel 3: She then asks Mike if Lizzie isn't the prettiest flower girl ever. He says she is.

Panel 4: He then reminds us that he's Mike Patterson when he confuses and depresses everyone with a malicious crack about how she looks too good to be his sister.

Summary: What we got here is a jerk kid who fears having THE GUYS mock him for complimenting his kid sister more than he likes being a decent person. He needs Vitamin Punch His Teeth The Hell Out.
Saturday, July 23rd, 2016
1:21 am
Sunday, 24 July 2015
We remind ourselves that Mike is sort of too dumb to live today when he lets Elly walk around with her mom jeans split wide open in the seat because he didn't want to embarrass her.

(Strip Number 7245, Original Publication Date, 26 July 1987)

Panel 1: We start things off with Mike making an enthusiastic YAH noise when Elly asks him if he'd like to go downtown with her.

Panel 2: When she tells him that she needs help carrying groceries, he's less impressed.

Panel 3: We find ourselves at Megafoods watching Mike gape in horror as Elly's pants split wide open while she's reaching for the sort of flour she wants.

Panel 4: As she orders some meat from the butchers', he looks at her rump in horror.

Panel 5: He's strangely mute when she asks him to load in the rest of the groceries.

Panel 6: The fear of repeating history means that he remains deathly silent on the drive home.

Panel 7: When they get home, Mike finally tells her that she's got a rip down the seat of her pants.

Panel 8: A shocked and disappointed Elly asks if that if it had been like that all day, why he didn't tell her.

Panel 9: When he says that he didn't want her to be embarrassed, she's gobsmacked.

Summary: She would have been equally gobsmacked had he reminded her that she yelled at him to keep quiet about that sort of thing when her fly was open four years ago.
Thursday, July 21st, 2016
11:09 am
Friday, July 22nd, 2016
1:59 am
Saturday, 23 July 2016
We end the arc with a Lessons Not Learned phase. This is because while Brian wishes that he hadn't done the thing that got him punished, Mike reminds us that years of living under John and Elly's roof means that his sense of right and wrong can be distilled into the three-word phrase "Don't get caught."

(Strip Number 1182, Original Publication Date, 25 July 1987)

Panel 1: The next day, we find Mike lamenting the fact that he does one dumb thing not worth worrying about and has to suffer two weeks. Given that he's talking to Brian instead of himself, he's lamenting being told he's grounded without actually being grounded.

Panel 2: He asks Brian if he ever wished that he could relive a day by erasing it all and starting over again. Brian says "Yeah."

Panel 3: He then says that if he and the others had that day to live over, they never would have spied on Molly in the first place.

Panel 4: Mike thought-bubbles that if HE had the day to live over, they wouldn't have gotten caught. This is baffling because there was no real consequence to his misbehaviour.

Summary: I would tend to blame Mike's sheer amorality on the inconsistent messages he gets from his parents. If no stable standard of right or wrong exists growing up, morality becomes a matter of avoiding detection, not avoiding bad actions.
Thursday, July 21st, 2016
1:57 am
Friday, 22 July 2016
Molly disappears utterly from the narrative because Elly hijacks the discussion and turns it into wailing about how she's the sole victim of all of this.

(Strip Number 1181, Original Publicaton Date, 24 July 1987)

Panel 1: We find out what Will did to John when Mike starts wailing that being grounded for TWO WEEKS means that he'll DIE!!!!

Panel 2: As most people reading this mutter "I wish", he wails about having to stay on the block, being in the yard by four and not being allowed out after supper.

Panel 3: We shift to the real victim of this arc when his screeching about how he's expected to live through the torture of being held responsible for a misdeed startles Elly.

Panel 4: As she moans about how she's expected to live through two weeks of his being a whiny bitch, we see where he gets it from.

Summary: You see, folks, it's not about Molly's expectation of privacy because (unless I miss my guess about who Greg and Connie are) she somehow provoked them by the way she dresses. It's about Elly remembering that she's the one that tries (and fails) to enforce punishments like this because Mike tends to run faster than she can.
Wednesday, July 20th, 2016
1:55 am
Thursday, 21 July 2016
John destroys any chance Mike might have had to learn something by implying that his real crime was getting caught.

(Strip Number 1180, Original Publication Date, 23 July 1987)

Panel 1: Having been informed by the person he thinks of as "the older of Lawrence's new sisters" of Mike's misdeed, John tries to impress upon him the seriousness of spying on girls.

Panel 2: Mike babbles feeble bullshit about how since the tree and her window were there, he and the others were helpless in the face of voyeurism.

Panel 3: Having noticing that Daddy ain't buying it, Mike asks what he's gonna do t'him.

Panel 4: John tells Mike "The same thing my dad did to me when I got caught putting a periscope to the moon on the Kennedy's outhouse."

Summary: You hear that? It's the sound of John failing as a parent. He's just reinforced the objectification message. Worse, he's farming out the punishment to Elly.....whose idea of punishment is throwing kids out of the house until dusk and not supervising them much. The resultant non-grounding grounding doesn't really make the moral lesson stick.
Monday, July 18th, 2016
4:02 pm
The Liography of Molly Thomas

It occurs to me that it might help illuminate certain oddities in the way Connie acquited herslef were we to look at them from a perspective Lynn never considered: Molly’s. If you’ll indulge me, I’ll probe the ‘darkness’ and see how she ‘came back.’
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Tuesday, July 19th, 2016
1:53 am
Wednesday, 20 July 2016
Before vanishing from the narrative, Molly delivers a threat to Mike and his response is to give her a more useful target to complain to.

(Strip Number 1179, Original Publication Date, 22 July 1987)

Panel 1: As he tries to weasel out of the beating he deserves by claiming that it's just an accident that he's been looking out of her window asking when she was gonna take stuff off, Molly tells Mike to zip it.

Panel 2: She then tells him what she's going to do if he even THINKS about peering through her window again.

Panel 3: What she's going to do is tell his principal, the cops and every person he knows that he's a pervert before asking him if he digs.

Panel 4: When he begs her to not tell his dad, she gives us an aside glance because he just threw himself under the bus and he don't even realize it.

Summary: Some genius he turned out to be. When it came time to defend himself, he handed Molly the best stick in the world to beat him with. Given who John and Elly are, Carol would have had to been the one to tell them about this the next day.
Monday, July 18th, 2016
1:51 am
Tuesday, 19 July 2016
As Molly hauls Mike off to deliver her ultimatum, Brian, Gordon and Darryl talk about consequences and, for some reason, the fact that the crime didn't fit the punishment.

(Strip Number 1178, Original Publication Date, 21 July 1987)

Panel 1: As she marches off with Mike, Brian looks on with horror and exclaims that Molly's got'im by th'neck.

Panel 2: As he, Brian and Darryl slump down waiting for their doom to come, Gordon wishes that they'd turned Mike's offer down because they're in big trouble.

Panel 3: While Gordon laments the grounding he's probably going to get (because the whole 'Gordon's parents beat him because that's just what the Lower Orders do, they get drunk and hit their kids' thing is ten years in the future), Brian realizes that he can kiss his allowance good-bye for a month.

Panel 4: Darryl uses his last line of dialogue to comment on how it would have all been worth it if they'd actually SEEN something.

Summary: It's not just Darryl Smythe that vanishes from the strip after this arc; Molly is in the process of vanishing from the narrative as it becomes less about her privacy and more about the inconvenience to Mike and Elly. Also, he delivers what Lynn has to think has to be the male perspective because she doesn't get men.
Sunday, July 17th, 2016
1:50 am
Monday, 18 July 2016
In today's strip, we learn that Mike failed to realize something when he planned on violating Molly's privacy. Said not realized thing is that she's smart enough to target the ring-leader and let his chumps get off scott-free.

(Strip Number 1177, Original Publication Date, 20 July 1987)

Panel 1: Mike tells the three dumb kids he roped into his big mess his next big stupid plan.

Panel 2: Said stupid plan is to scatter to the four winds so that Molly tires herself out trying to chase them all down.

Panel 3: As they scram, Molly tells Mike that she doesn't want to grab everybody.

Panel 4: When she grabs onto his shirt and snarls "Just YOU!!", Mike is scared for his life.

Summary: You can tell why, of course. In the movies and television, people who do shit like this never get seriously punished. After all, they didn't yank Hawkeye Pierce's captain's bars on him or shove him in the stockade for the crap he pulled on Major Houlihan so Mike is baffled and terrified by accountability in the form of a seventeen year old girl with a rat-tail mullet.
Saturday, July 16th, 2016
1:46 am
Sunday, 17 July 2016
In today's strip, Lizzie sort of jumps off of the diving board.

(Strip Number 7224, Original Publication Date, 19 July 1987)

Panel 1: We find ourselves watching Lizzie in her swimsuit as she climbs up the steps to the diving board at the community pool.

Panel 2: She's now on the diving board.

Panel 3: She looks down into the pool.

Panel 4: Since she's higher up than she wants to be, she shudders in horror as she walks away from the edge.

Panel 5: She looks back down into the water.

Panel 6: She crouches down while still shuddering.

Panel 7: Her attempt to calm herself seems to involve obviating the problem of looking down into the water; this is to be accomplished by somehow diving off the BOTTOM of the board.

Panel 8: Since she's still far higher up than she wants to be, she still shudders in terror despite not being able to look down into the water.

Panel 9: She lets go and hits the water with a mighty splash.

Panel 10: She then walks up to Mike and Gordon and tells them that she told them she could go on the diving board.

Summary: This is sort of akin to how she'd later describe herself as a take charge person; she's afraid of a lot of things but the thing she's most afraid of is being called afraid.
Friday, July 15th, 2016
1:40 am
Saturday, 16 July 2016
We end the week with Mike realizing that he's been made and asking for divine protection from what turns out to be his own blasted stupidity.

(Strip Number 1176, Original Publication Date, 18 July 1987)

Panel 1: As the boys climb down the tree, a panicked-looking Darryl notes that he's never spied on a girl's bedroom before.

Panel 2: Mike tells them to get down out of the tree before anyone sees them being idiots.

Panel 3: It turns out that this warning is too late as Molly is at the base of the tree with mayhem on her mind; Mike's discovery of this fact leaves us smelling soiled baby diaper.

Panel 4: Realizing that he's going to have his ass kicked for him, Mike asks if any of his friends know the Lord's Prayer.

Summary: Is there a prayer that cures stupidity? I doubt it because not only does he not learn anything from this, the reason he gets into as much trouble as he does is that he reminds Molly to tell his parents what he did. Everyone else has the guts to fess up but since the Pattersons don't keep track of their kids, other people have to do it for them.
Thursday, July 14th, 2016
1:38 am
Friday, 15 July 2016
Darryl and the others blame Mike for Molly's refusal to make a spectacle of herself for them because the tree is in his backyard. They should be blaming him for the grounding and-or beatings they're going to get on him too.

(Strip Number 1175, Original Publication Date, 17 July 1987)

Panel 1: As they watch what can only be Molly reacting angrily to the realization that the scruffy little punk next door is spying on her, Gordon tells Team Voyeur that it's truly an incredible night.

Panel 2: Hormone Attacker Gordon reacts angrily to the fact that Molly has drawn the stoopid curtains when he wanted to ogle her.

Panel 3: As they glare at him because their show was called on account of cluing in, Mike asks them why they're angry with him about something (said something being called "Molly's angry reaction to the fact that the malicious little perv next door has gotten his hoodlum friends to join him in treating her like a side of beef") that isn't his fault.

Panel 4: Darryl says that it's his fault because it's his tree.

Summary: Yes, Darryl, it's Mike's tree...but it's your eyes and your throbbing impulses and your belief that women are objects that'll get you, Brian and Gordon as hip deep in guano as the idiot you're pissed at.
Tuesday, July 12th, 2016
7:35 am
Thursday, 14 July 2016
What the boys don't realize is that the reason Molly is moving around is that she's starting to get the funny feeling she's being watched.

(Strip Number 1174, Original Publication Date, 16 July 1987)

Panel 1: Team Voyeur goes berserk with anticipation as Molly gets up and stretches after a lot time sitting down.

Panel 2: Darryl's excited comment about her coming over to the window seems indicative of the fact that this experience has put urges in their areas.

Panel 3: We shift focus from the tree to her bedroom when she thought-bubbles that she's noticed something odd.

Panel 4: Said odd thing is that while the wind is calm, the tree in the Pattersons' back yard is moving as if it were being struck by a gale.

Summary: Mike is about to be struck by a Molly because he just got made. This is going to surprise him because consequences aren't supposed to be part of the script. Since most script-writers are men with mommy issues like him, what's supposed to happen is that he gets rewarded for this idiocy.
Monday, July 11th, 2016
7:33 am
Wednesday, 13 July 2016
Mike's audience is just about to admit that maybe they shouldn't be violating someone's privacy when they're distracted by the possibility of getting to see something naughty.

(Strip Number 1173, Original Publication Date, 15 July 1987)

Panel 1: Darryl expresses his displeasure about the fact that all Molly has been doing for the last hour is sitting at her desk looking like someone ran over her kitten with a tank.

Panel 2: Brian worries about the legality of what they're doing and says that they shouldn't be doing this.

Panel 3: Gordon is about to talk them into cease doing something he's starting to realize is wrong when Mike (who's afraid of losing his audience to conventional morality) points out that she's getting up.

Panel 4: They go back to ogling mode as they ask "SHE IS?"

Summary: Lynn doesn't seem to put much faith in men, does she? This arc is tribute to her belief that ogling trumps morality.
Sunday, July 10th, 2016
7:30 am
Tuesday, 12 July 2016
We contrast Molly's self-pitying belief that no one knows that a moody eleventh-grader who sits in her room all day long thought-bubbling the word "GLOOM!" exists with the knowledge that the moron child next door has done everything but charge admission to look into her room.

(Strip Number 1172, Original Publication Date, 14 July 1987)

Panel 1: Gordon alludes as to how the arc will resolve itself when he says being able to see right into Molly's bedroom is too good to be true.

Panel 2: He compares the experience of being a jerkwad kid leering into someone's room with being in a movie before inviting Brian and Darryl to also get nailed by their folks for being stupid.

Panel 3: Gordon delights in the fact that Molly's curtains are wide open while Darryl is excited that she's there for their viewing pleasure.

Panel 4: Since there aren't many kids her age around right now, Molly is sitting in her bedroom lamenting how she hates Milborough because she feels as if no one knows she exists.

Summary: Sadly, she's better off not being the fantasy projection of scruffy little boys. Also, wanna bet that when the dust settles, she'll be the recipient of a lecture on provoking them somehow?
Saturday, July 9th, 2016
10:25 am
The Maclean's Interview (the accompanying video)
At last I have time to write a transcript of Lynn’s video for her Maclean’s interview. Lynn has been giving us so much material lately, it’s been hard to keep up.


As usual I will quote the text and then comment on it after the cut.

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Sunday, July 10th, 2016
1:27 am
Monday, 11 July 2016
We start the creepy-ass Peeping Mike arc with Gordon wondering why Mike wants him to see a view that doesn't exist only to find out that his pal learned to objectify women from his assbucket dad.

(Strip Number 1171, Original Publication Date, 13 July 1987)

Panel 1: We find ourselves watching Gordon asking Mike why he's spending a summer evening up a tree in his back yard.

Panel 2: Mike hushes Gord and tells him to just come up already.

Panel 3: When Mike says that he's enjoyin'the view, Gord points out that there's nothin't'see up here.

Panel 4: He changes his tune (and gets mildly panicky) when he realizes that he's looking at Lawrence's sister's bedroom.

Summary: Lynn clearly seems to think that boys are born to ogle. This cheap rip-off of Porky's meshes nicely with all of the times John stands around with a revolting leer on his ugly, stupid face when anyone pleasant looking impinges on his awareness. (Of course, the worst part comes in about ten days when someone disappears from the narrative.)
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